Thursday, September 21, 2006
unraveling
i saw my closest friend last night. he looked good like always, except that he had lost a bit too much weight. things were off from the start. he did not look up when i sat beside him. he uttered no words. and when i held his hand and squeezed, he did not squeeze back.

finally, after both enduring the longest silence, he said, "let's go for a smoke."

he stood up. and though his eyes were calm, i could sense the turbulence in him. but even with the distance he had managed to put between us, i felt we were closer than we had ever been.

"what you said hurt me," he said.
i breathed before i spoke. "it was the kind of thing you'd only hear from a person who loves you."

silence again.

"it's hard to let go," he whispered, looking away.

he didn't need to tell me that. i had let him go once before, but he had been given back to me. the past can seem so long ago, yet you still recognize that miracles are found in little things such as these, in people you've always known and cherished.

i remember there was soft music playing in the background. and that the pavement was shimmering. there was a light breeze toying with his shirt collar. and we could've been strangers the way we looked out onto the street and not at each other.

i watched his fingers lift his cigarette to his lips. such capable hands. yet they couldn't keep the beasts at bay. even my hands weren't strong enough for that. i don't think i will ever be strong enough.

and when we both lit up again, maybe for the last time that evening, i was his remorse and he was mine.

i rode north at 2:25 PM
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