to norway on a bicycle
my feet take me places. and they don't always touch the ground.
i drink my tea with milk and franz kafka.

Transient News

* 3:43 PM
* ::LONG QUEUES::
* okay. i included two links for posting comments. one above, one below. take your pick. hopefully, this makes things easier. if not, i just wasted two minutes.


* 7:13 PM
* ::monsterspank::
* missing you already.



* 4:49 PM
* ::THE NORWEGIAN BIKE::
* from pablo neruda's poor fellows:...a man and his girl have to raise their climax, full tilt, on a bicycle.
* hot damn. a transience-inspired tantric position worthy of the kama sutra. i love you, pablo and monsterspank.


Disclaimer * if you didn't read the fine print, then whatever it is, it's not my fault.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005
thespacesbetween

because i cannot be less of who i am, i tend to leave my heart ajar. people come in and out of it as they would through an unlatched door. and while i don't always remember how they enter my life or how they happen to me, i almost always remember how they leave. the parting. that is one snapshot that stays in my head long after they've gone.

there are those who leave with a suitcase in hand, a heavy load of emotional baggage with them. there are those who fade into the woodwork—so quiet, so inconspicuous you think you only imagined them. there are those who stomp and make a scene, unconsciously begging you not to let go and move on, even when you know they've already left you.

and then there are the special ones. those few people who give you one final look over their shoulder before they disappear entirely. those are the most painful of partings. because they leave you that one last piece of themselves—that one last piece you toast to with two shots of vodka (one to remember and another to forget). their snapshots are the most vivid.

they say it's difficult to forget. but for me, it has become easier.

take, for example, his handwritten letters at the bottom of the drawer you've stopped reading. days pass and you forget parts of them. little by little. you forget words, images, and then phrases, and then entire sentences. you forget the smell of the paper he wrote on, the color of ink he used, the shimmering quality of his cursive, the endearment he used in each line.

forgetting is an aging of sorts: a slow, drawn-out movement of cogs and gears that ceases when you least expect it. it even has a melancholy sound to it, like the very last patter of rain on the pavement.

and then you forget there were ever letters at the bottom of the drawer. like you forget that the snapshot was once so vivid it hurt your eyes.

they say it's difficult to forget. i say it shouldn't be this simple. because sometimes, i don't want to give in. because sometimes, memories are all i have. but this sacred process, once set into motion, is irreversible.

you forget,

and then forget you're forgetting,

and then suddenly, you're alright again.

i rode north at 7:05 PM
33 kph

::Pedal up::

Kishore pedaled up to say... miindboggling fluidity ... words flawlessly unfold and reveal themselves ... such is the nature of your writing ... kudos! ... for everything u said is but the nature of the mind ...

9:48 PM ninjato pedaled up to say...

Sometimes its not exactly about forgetting the person per se but getting over the feeling you had over the person. The memories will always be there, but its getting over the feelings towards a particular person that seems to be the most difficult for most, I would think. In some ways, it's not the parting of the person that is the most difficult (because its never something we could ever control usually anyway), but it's the process of us parting with whatever feelings that we had that makes it more painful. Of course, with the cosmic joke that is life, it seems that it is when we have already made peace with their leaving that they usually return in one form or another.

10:56 PM Ramchi pedaled up to say...
Hey Trans, Do we forget or do we overlay with new memories or do we block those memories selectively ? I think it's a bit of all and the fact is, a chapter of our life has ended.I am glad smallsquirrel recommended you so i cud find your introspective,thought-provoking blogs.

12:42 AM Stan pedaled up to say...

For most of us, parting and slowly forgetting carry with them varying degrees of pain. And that's all. You, on the other hand, can look at them and make them beautiful as well!
I hope you're written a novel, or will one day.

4:18 AM CAROLVS pedaled up to say...

And then there are those intrusive ones. The memories you think you've forgotten, the feelings you think you've gotten over. It bites like hell.

4:44 AM rain pedaled up to say...
trans - two vodkas for remembering and forgetting...i like that... ninjato - i agree. it's the battle within. trying to let go of that big chunk of emotion that has become home is the most difficult part of it. okay. 'nuff said. i might break into tears...

6:44 AM small squirrel pedaled up to say... ugh. not because this post is not well written, or starkly yet eloquently true. But because it's exactly where I am. I don't do this kind of thing a lot. I have been lucky. The people who have really mattered have usually stayed around in some form or another. My ex of 9 years is still my one of my closest friends. I realize this is not "normal", but people in my life do not tend to just... leave. Until now. Now I am learning how to unlearn. What happens when someone takes pieces of you, but you realize far too late that he left nothing in return? Ah yes, you curse the inky, smeared mess of his cowardice and you simply turn away.

8:09 AM hera pedaled up to say...
when you constantly remind yourself to forget, you end up realizing that everything's just futile. you have put it so effortlessly: "you forget, and then you forget you're forgetting, and then suddenly, you're alright again." but then again...how about those moments when you drag your mind through the tedium of everyday, staring at blank walls? don't you still see snapshots of his face?

10:21 AM hera pedaled up to say...
wow. i've been thinking about these kinds of things last night and decided about writing an entry about it. but now, any word that would come out of my mind would be inadequate because of this post. hehe. :) trans, you put it so effortlessly: you forget, and then forget you're forgetting and then suddenly, you're alright again

11:20 AM transience pedaled up to say...

kishore >> the way you comment is mind-boggling-ly fluid as well. i've linked you.

ninjato >> it's a defense mechanism. i commit many things to memory, but when i decide to forget, everything goes with it. it's self-preservation in a way, a lame-dame excuse to keep important parts of me intact. i am good at remembering the things that serve my purpose, and i am good at forgetting things that make my life messy. yep, my ego is that big, heh.

ramchi >> hi. you have a very interesting point there. i must make a very good couch subject, hehe. anyway, thanks for dropping by. i must thank squirrel for giving you directions.

stan >> as i've admitted several posts ago, i AM masochistic. i carry my pain like a badge and if it ever fuels my writing, then it serves its purpose. i hope to write a novel, too. maybe win the pulitzer. maybe never be forgotten. not necessarily in order.
carolvs >> yeah. that just sucks ass. but i'm trying to recall things i've forgotten that have risen from the dead. i can't remember any right now.

rain >> your naked nights part 2 was sad enough. this piece of writing is nothing. should i bring the vodka?

squirrel >> some men can make women messy. that's about all i can say on the matter. not that anything as momentous as that has happened to me recently. i just thought it would be an interesting enough subject to tackle.
hera >> hi again. i hope that in somehow striking a chord, i didn't make you lose too much sleep. ah, my intimacy with forgetting. i'm turning into a basketcase. which is quite funny, really.
11:50 AM Anonymous pedaled up to say...

hm

11:54 AM transience pedaled up to say...

hmm indeed.

1:25 PM Lorena pedaled up to say...
your writing reminds me of some of my favorite authors...lyrical and poetic.

1:36 PM rolly pedaled up to say...
". you forget the smell of the paper he wrote on, the color of ink he used, the shimmering quality of his cursive" ah but only you can write like this. I was in awe as I read each line, each description, such detail I would have never thought of... There's a freshness in your writing I have never encountered before. Well, that's why it's fresh, silly me. I read in one of your comments to Stan's that you did poetry before. It shows you are a good one. Would it be okay if I link you with my site?

2:27 AM monsterspank pedaled up to say...
in awe at the words. i feel them myself. but, isn't that the way the world works? the ebb and flow of our existence sometimes slow, sometimes quick... erodes the past to build a new path to our destiny. maybe it isn't about not wanting to forget, maybe we have to forget, we must... our life can only grow into something greater if we move on with new experiences, new people, sometimes its new experiences with the same people. although i'm sure you'll agree that there are some people who are a part of us which, no matter how much time passes, there can be no complete erosion unless we die ourselves. peace. m.

4:28 PM transience pedaled up to say...

lorena >> thanks very much. btw, i'm just curious...who are your favorite authors? and i saw your photographs. splendid.
rolly >> i appreciate the link. thank you very much. and yes, i've written poetry before. but i'm on hiatus.
but you know what? we may have more in common than you think. and i forgot to tell you the last time that i think your sons are truly blessed.
m >> your last line moved me. yes, i did write about forgetting. but you and i agree that there are people who stay with us forever. there is no parting. they are enmeshed in the fabric of our lives and they are the threads that refuse to unravel. but you are another story entirely.
and thanks for your email. it was much appreciated. thought you'd just leave.

4:59 AM monsterspank pedaled up to say...
but transience, you are forever.

5:09 PM claudzki pedaled up to say...

trans - if i said that i loved the previous one, i love this post even more!

continue to make me read in awe...

6:48 PM retarius pedaled up to say...
i'm rather thankful for the forgetting. without it, i would be a useless ball of dirty laundry, trying to relive the acidic addictive bitterness of her lips, her voice, her smirk/smile, the way i felt tangled in her embrace, her smell, and her touch. damn, writing this isn't helping. damn good post though.

8:18 PM Lorena pedaled up to say...
hi transience, one of my favorites is Jeanette Winterson, her book "written on the body" is wonderful! in fact i'm going to reread it again. you always find this line "time is a great deadner" in her books which i find to be true. for me only time (a long time) helps me forget. and there are times when you fight against time because you don't want to forget, to kill the feelings that came alive when you met that special someone even though now they are so far away. its hard for me to let go of those who got in my heart.

1:22 AM Jay pedaled up to say...

Trans, This one really hit me. I think it's interesting that as humans, we tend only to remember the parting. The relationship becomes how it ended instead of what the whole thing meant. Maybe if we could remember the good times even in face of the bad, it wouldn't be so achingly mandatory to forget. Just a thought. Beautiful words, J
5:25 AM rain pedaled up to say...

trans - yeah trans, i think vodka and i have a lot to talk about. of course your presence would be much appreciated in this orphic conversation. :)

jay - maybe we only remember the parting DURING the parting. when we're truly and genuinely and sincerely over it, we tend to forget the parting and remember only what the whole thing meant...just a thought as well. :)

7:04 AM Deek Deekster pedaled up to say...

We can define these partings, then, as side-partings and centre-partings.. there being also those who remain on the fringes... and some who once cut, fall to the floor and are swept away... I found my letters this week in a drawer with old audio tapes, and I have to admit, I was more scared of the tapes than of the verbiage. Now, if these letters had the power of melody they would betray every confidence and destroy every day lived since. By the way, are we related?

7:19 AM Calaloola pedaled up to say...
Ooh! I love this: "...forgetting is an aging of sorts: a slow, drawn-out movement of cogs and gears that ceases when you least expect it. it even has a melancholy sound to it, like the very last patter of rain on the pavement."

Can I keep it?

10:16 AM transience pedaled up to say...

mussolini >> so are you.

claudzki >> i promise to try to entertain you more, hehe. but really, thanks. you are too kind.
retarius >> your comment has me intrigued already.

lorena >> that line is so simple yet so powerful. but i find that there are some things time won't ever erase. just as there are people you will forget, there are those you will remember, whatever happens.

jay >> i know what you mean. but partings leave strong impressions. it could be because the relationship was so lackluster that the only climax (and denouement) it had was when it ended--the drama, the finality of the end. holy shit...this occurred to me only now. you're brilliant. rain >> i'd love to see your beautiful mind in action. just don't get me too drunk, though. i can't hold my liquor.
deek >> och, your analogies put me to shame. i only wish we were related. then maybe, during family reunions in london, we would talk about stupid cupid, condoms for the heart and my hattori hanzo. but then we're not related, so i'll just sit here and mope.

10:17 AM transience pedaled up to say...
calaloola >> but of course.

10:30 AM bismuth pedaled up to say...
emily dickinson was right. parting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell. remembering is a curse that comes with understanding too much.
this prose is familiar. like something you would have sent me back in college when there was so much to forget so soon. oh, wait, i think you did.

1:08 PM transience pedaled up to say...
you're thinking of the "forget you're forgetting" part. but i think i sent you some poem where i used a permutation of that line. those were the days when i used to send poems to everyone. when i used to write them on everything--from kleenex to receipts. yep, those were the days.

1:16 PM JErm pedaled up to say...

i agree with stan about pain, and since you hold on to your pain like a badge, it looks like you need to learn to forgive. forgiveness soothes. it let's go. it heals. it's either you need to forgive the parting others, or you need to forgive yourself. why hold on to so much pain? i'd do myself over by now if i did.

1:26 PM transience pedaled up to say...

the forgive and forget adage doesn't really apply to this one.

i forgive, oh yes. but i don't forget.
but i don't bring up old issues either. not generally.

1:47 PM
chilled_v pedaled up to say...

"Learning is about more than simply acquiring new knowledge and insights; it is also crucial to unlearn old knowledge that has outlived its relevance. Thus, forgetting is probably at least as important as learning."
-Gary Ryan Blair
12:00 AM

Suzanne pedaled up to say...
You write fluidly, very beautifully. It is very true that we eventually forget...until of course we hear a song. Music that triggers the rushing of memories right back into the forefront.

9:19 AM transience pedaled up to say...
chilled_v >> ah. very insightful quote!
suzanne >> thank you. and i appreciated this line, "music that triggers the rushing of memories right back into the forefront." very nice. thanks for dropping by.
11:44 AM