Sunday, July 17, 2005
the capitalist vagina monologue
ground control to major tom, your circuit's dead, is something wrong? no, mr. bowie. i've just been on auto-pilot all week. remember that conspiracy of little things i call my life? well, it's been a megalomaniac poo lately. like it is every monday and wednesday, except that it decided to be the same way last tuesday, thursday, friday and the first half of saturday. but enough of that. for now, she has decided that i am worthy to be one of her bridesmaids. that's fine, even if i am a bit a suspicious about marriage. what makes me want to bawl my eyes out is her choice of motif, which, i have been assured, is a go—whatever happens. apple green and magenta. don't ask. please don't ask. i have smiled and nodded my head and said yesverynicethankyou. but on that fateful day she walks down the aisle with a trail of fruit-punch miscreations before her, i will be a friend. i will glow and glide in a dress useful only as dada—like there was nothing on this earth i would rather be doing. incidentally, if i ever got married (insert big haha here), it would be a black tie event. everyone would get away with wearing black, looking fabulous, getting drunk on champagne, reading eccentric poetry to each other and using polysyllables. my groom and i would show up for the whole of two minutes then disappear like a polite host and hostess should. after all, a perfect party should run itself. and yes, the alfa romeo has new shocks now. we have a steady ride. but i'm still thankful for that day the shocks gave out. he and i got to make out inside the car at the back of the huge towing truck as it inched along the city's main thoroughfare. i have reason to believe that some truckers pulling the night shift enjoyed our pg-13 fun. it was all good, though. after all, murphy's law dictates that car trouble is a prerequisite to celebrating one's inner vanilla porn. yesterday, i got turquoise garters against my better judgement. more faerie nymph than playboy, with lots of embroidered flowers around the hips. sadly, the shops didn't carry any thigh-highs i liked, so expect some moodiness for the next few days. note to self, lingerie is always a good investment provided that no marauding forces manhandle the assets and tear the exorbitantly priced lace. this morning, the park was good for walking. i will probably indulge in more induced sweating (they call it exercise, apparently) soon. though i have yet to get over the feeling that sporty attire makes me feel like i am in costume. and that there is a curtain call at the end of all that strange human moist. true, i miss certain people, but some of them are just too destructive to keep around. i may be a sweetheart, but i do believe that their heads look better on my wall than on their own shoulders. because i am sentimental like that. because a woman's affections are not to be trifled with. and though i've slept most of the day away, i can't wait to go back to bed in a few minutes. planet earth is blue and there's nothing i can do. right on, mr. bowie. writing under the influence of amaretto is highly recommended. tonight i'll be putting the machine on. so just leave a message after the beep.
| o^o |65 kph |
65 Comments
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transience said...
beep.
12:57 AM
finnegan said...
well trans, you're standing over my head, and I've gotta admit I love looking up your dress. i'll just ogle your turquoise garters till all the tourists get here---no manhandling the lace, i promise.
1:23 AM
ty bluesmith said...
[sigh]
2:27 AM
Perfect Virgo said...
I am trying to remember the last time I trifled with a woman's affections, (oh yes I remember, that would have been Tuesday!) Only kidding Trans, pick up if you're there...
3:37 AM
SafeTinspector said...
Take your protein pill.
That was my favorite line in that song.
Y'know, science fiction PROMISED me I could vacation on the moon and eat a meal by taking a pill.
But I must say it never promised I'd be reading stuff like this. Very nice, indeed.
Thanks, science fiction!
3:41 AM
trine said...
You wedding sounds cool. We had lots of champagne but I wore white. I looked fab, not traditional, you knew who was the bride, but my did I look FAB. It was the best day ever. Me, the groom, our daughter, best man, my best woman (equality has got further in norway and we have best woman AND man!) and the best man's girlfriend, LOTS of sushi, champagne, and hot hot sunshine. ah, one year ago on wednesday! so feeling a bit romantinc this week... ;-)
4:16 AM
Jennynyc said...
Weddings are so expensive. Nice writing as usual.
4:47 AM
rolly said...
Space Oddity, isn't it?
"This is Major Tom to Ground Control/I'm stepping through the door/And I'm floating in a most a peculiar way/And the stars look very different today"
That's how I felt after reading your post, Trans :-)
5:36 AM
Jax said...
this was the most fun piece you've written in a while :P I love even the tiniest glimpse of people like yourself (well, people -something- like yourself) drunk. Its a treat.
7:21 AM
transience said...
finnegan >> i don't mean to be rude. but did we ever date at some point in our lives? because i really don't remember. heh.
ty >> [iadoreyourblueeyes]
perfect virgo >> hello?
safetinspector >> and the papers want to know whose shirts you wear. that was my favorite line.
trine >> aaawwww. that sounds so sweet. and in norway, too!
jennynyc >> thanks, you.
rolly >> yes, you got it. and i think i was supposed to insert "and the stars look very different today" somewhere in the post but when i looked up, there were no stars.
jax >> hee. i wasn't drunk though. just a bit chatty.
8:36 AM
grumblefish said...
I've got to hand it to you transience, you're a person with an acute understanding of the risk and reward system...turquoise garters, eh? What about collateral damage, say, a pull in the silk or fishnets. Surely a guy wouldn't be trivially hung for such an offense? Would you mete out some alternative form of retribution?
Thanks for your visit and kind remarks- I'll
be looking for you, as well as at you.
8:47 AM
stella said...
manhandling lingere? gasp. although that may be a good thing in a passion over lace sort of way. well, it depends more on the type of lace and the guy, come to think of it. =)
turquoise garter though would be something i'd fancy. maybe with faux jewels and gems added for fun.
btw, this post pulls at every one of my heart strings!
9:42 AM
karma said...
we will sit in our tin cans far above the world and watch it go by. do they also tell you what colour lingerie to wear?
9:42 AM
milktea said...
"but i do believe that their heads look better on my wall than on their own shoulders.."
hihih. there are certain people i'd rather not put in my wall.
10:02 AM
Pezgirl said...
I love your 'wedding' plans! I want my wedding like that too :)
10:58 AM
grumblefish said...
stella brings up rather important sartorial observations, which I confess had completely
eluded me. There's really no restriction on
ornaments (though they may be redundant) or
helpful features, such as dual parachute release handles or whimsical Olive Oyl battery-operated night light, to aid anxious guests and such. That would prevent certain types of accidents from occuring, where ambient lighting might be limited. That sounds awfully helpful-I'm sure you'd get favorable remarks for thoughtfulness!
11:11 AM
transience said...
grumblefish >> i would have to think over the retribution part. i like balancing pleasure with pain. wouldn't want to be too cruel.
stella >> we have the same tastes, you see. the garters are too adorable and i was smiling like a little girl when i tried them on. the flowers made the whole ensemble look sooooo pretty. i really wouldn't want anybody to manhandle anything this pretty.
karma >> there was a little number in pink, i think. but i chose the turquoise because i am partial to the color. matches my jeweled navel ring, too.
milktea >> not if you weren't the hunter-type, i agree. antlers are not required on my heads.
pezgirl >> LOL! copy away. no wedding bells for me any time soon (ever).
grumblefish again >> that's my girl, stella. she's brilliant. and i am still thinking over the retribution part.
11:16 AM
bullish1974 said...
apple green dresses are hot.
kidding.
jesus. wearing that would be excruciating. send pictures, please. LOL!
12:25 PM
transience said...
mike, i am hating you so much right now that my knees ache. how dare you laugh at my pain.
12:42 PM
Carrie said...
my dear lady......being a bridesmaid sucks...but not more than being a bride.....so whilst prancing around in the gettup, thank your lucky stars that you do not have to say "I DO"....for it's those two words that define the rest of the wicked years that follow.......yes, i have a very negative outlook on marriage. sigh....as Ty said..and I too adore his Baby Blues...so sexy! ;)
hang in there....lovely post btw.
12:50 PM
transience said...
well, that's true. like in a funeral, i'm just glad i'm not the guest of honor.
1:06 PM
gulnaz said...
:) wow this was fun reading!! really liked the turqioise garters with flowers, soo pretty!!!
where else will i find alfa romeos, flower-studded garters, murphy on vanilla porn and a wedding with bridesmaids in apple-green, all together??? :))
this one had me smiling long after i read it...i read it first, earlier in the morning today.
3:08 PM
kramer said...
i read the word, "garter" and i got all too kinky.
man, i need to stop this.
hehehe!
5:02 PM
wala said...
very colorful post (apple green. magenta. black. turquoise. blue.)... a rainbow on acid, almost. the marxist-lenninist vagina monologue probably only comes in a drab gray. i like polysyllables very much. you're yummy.
6:02 PM
bullish1974 said...
hahaha! pardon my insensitivity. i know it's going to be painful and all wearing apple green/magenta dress/gown. it's just that, thinking about it makes me, uhm, a wee bit, uhm, insensitive.
ok, a thousand apologies. feeling better? :)
6:51 PM
snst_blvd said...
trans, did you skip your medications again? =)
6:53 PM
. : A : . said...
"because a woman's affections are not to be trifled with."
Beautiful line here.
7:48 PM
justrose said...
i'm with you on that, lingerie is always a good investment. yet there is nothing quite so arresting as the sound of tearing exorbitantly-priced lace. and if i get a run in a brand- new seamed thigh-high (which are as sheer as dreams)-- moodiness ensues. ;)
8:17 PM
Sara said...
that is going to be a LOUD wedding. i like your idea of bride and groom stopping by the festivities for only a few minutes. weddings are strange to me in the same way as the wearing of sporty clothing you mention.
i've been listening to that bowie song a lot lately. for whatever reason. it recurs in my short story life. i don't know why.
9:47 PM
RuKsaK said...
I adore amaretto and especially the way you slip it into your work of art.
9:53 PM
I.:.S.:. said...
"mike, i am hating you so much right now that my knees ache. how dare you laugh at my pain."
Surely that's not a message to me, is it? I haven't been laughing at anyone...
I'm glad you mentioned Major Tom 'cause you know his saga continues in another song...
"Do you remember a guy that's been in such an early song?
I heard a rumour from ground control
Oh no, don't say it's true...
They got a message from the action man:
I'm happy, hope you're happy too...
I've loved all, I've needed love,
sordid details following...
The shrieking of nothing is killing
Just pictures of Jap girls in synthesis
And I ain't got no money and I ain't got no head
And I'm hoping to kick but the planet is glowing... a-glow glow...
Ashes to ashes, funk to funky,
We know Major Tom's a junky,
Strung out on heaven's high
Hitting an all time low...
Time and again I tell myself
I'll stay clean tonight
But the little green wheels are following me
Oh no, not again
I'm stuck with a valuable friend
I'm happy, hope you're happy too..."
The last line expresses my deeply-held sentiment towards you... Trust all well, best wishes and much warmth from your real spiritual birth-place...
10:22 PM
Lohfe said...
God bless you for being such a sweetheart.
I mean those turquoise and apple green and magenta...
Must hurt. All that colour.
10:54 PM
ennui said...
hmm... haven't seen u in lingerie though i've seen a more modest yet vulnerable glimpse of u in a nice loose shirt though and ur hair was in a pony tail when u opened the door. i'll never forget what i saw that day ... ;)
11:57 PM
jonny ragel said...
ha. where do we start? bowie is always good. very good. especially that 70s stuff. I especially like the 'marauding forces' (heh) and the 'heads better on my wall' lines. classic transience. and the 'curtain call'----did you REALLY say 'all that human moist'? ooooh. nice. I love it when you drink. seriously.
and by 'costume', do you mean a pink jumpsuit and a fiesty poodle? I didn't think so...
always a pleasure...
1:02 AM
Lorena said...
hi transience, i'm so glad that although i don't know you in person i still get to share in your VERY interesting thoughts. "heads on the wall" funny :)
can i be invited to your wedding??!!
you are wild and i hope your moodiness fades in the next few days!
give me a call whenever you get a chance, ok? goodbye :)
2:25 AM
Benjamin said...
'it was all good, though'. ah...! keep walking in the park. keep writing. x
4:21 AM
Blog ho said...
yesverynicethankyou.com
5:02 AM
Blog ho said...
because...everything is .com
5:02 AM
gusgreeper said...
RAD. this was awesome
i miss certain people, but some of them are just too destructive to keep around. i may be a sweetheart, but i do believe that their heads look better on my wall than on their own shoulders.
this was the best SO going through this right now.
5:24 AM
Jay said...
Apple green and magenta? Ouch. What is it about getting married that makes a woman do cruel things to her best friends?
7:21 AM
ninjato said...
Planet Earth Is Blue And There's Nothing I Can Do, best line for me...Hmmm sounds familiar...now where have I heard that before (hehe insert smug grin once more)...You're never gonna put down that CD are ya? As for the post, it seems that you are rambling...methinks you need coffee...or a long vacation...or maybe even both...
7:51 AM
Sarah said...
ok.. previous comment didn't work. for whatever reason..
i hope snowflake is OK.
lingerie is wasted on some.. joshua included, he's a bit too.. eager.
7:51 AM
Sarah said...
and i was going to say something extremely crass, but i forgot.
=( colour me disappointed.
(in myself of course)
7:53 AM
Aleksu said...
As long as I remove the lingerie with my fingers it is all good.
But I can not be blamed if my teeth are in charge of defeating that last outpost.
7:58 AM
jey said...
i have yet to get drunk on champagne.:)
8:03 AM
DLAK said...
lol, I was having a bad day now I have a smile. Thank you T
8:44 AM
transience said...
gulnaz >> it was great reading that i made you smile. i love amusing people on mondays.
kramer >> i hope you didn't hurt yourself. LOL!
monster spank >> i've tasted them, too. they're like italian herbs on pasta. you are yummier!
bullish1974 >> fine, i forgive you. and i'll have you know that i will make that dress look like it was a million dollars. just to annoy you. deal?
sunset eyes >> no, dear. just my peace of mind.
.:a:. >> i hope you never get to experience trifling.
justrose >> oh, we would have a grand time shopping together.
sara >> maybe it's an omen of mauve frogs raining down on me? oh, how i hope so. i need some cheering up lately.
RuKsaK >> this piece of crap was churned out by a very flappy cunt at the time. but thanks for being so considerate. you will always be top of the pops.
mike >> no, no. that comment was meant for mike/bullish1974 up on there. i would never hate you. unless you were secretly laughing at the dress, too.
and thanks for that last line. it meant a lot.
lohfe >> only the apple green and magenta hurt.
ennui >> i cannot believe you brought that up! grrrrr.
johnny >> and i didn't even snog a girl. like i did the last time i drank. hahaha!
lorena >> for you, i'd pick up the phone. =)
benjamin >> thanks, you. i will.
blog ho >> LOL! bastard.
corinna >> i'm sure you have your choice of heads on your wall.
jay >> and the pain is not going to stop for a very long time.
ninjato >> listening to that cd will be my greatest tribute to you. be absurdly flattered. incidentally, i've been listening to my dad's bossa nova, too. just so your ego won't reach epic proportions. and of course i was rambling. a monologuing vagina always rambles.
sarah >> snowflake is okay. just ragged around the edges. and no worries, i think i got exactly what you wanted to say without you saying it. we're tight like that.
blex >> please, no teeth. no sharp edges allowed. respect the lace.
jey >> try amaretto. =)
8:44 AM
transience said...
dlak, i almost missed you. you're extremely welcome.
8:45 AM
Anonymous said...
apple green and magenta? that must have been a kaleidoscope feast for the eyes.
i think one of my biggest worries is finding the motif for my wedding. chocolate pink? i dare not. have to find the groom first.
--hera
9:09 AM
transience said...
that will be a kaleidoscope feast for the eyes, you mean. the wedding's in december. do you pray?
1:23 PM
The Flea said...
My oh my . . . I venture here with joy, every time, without doubts. And I'm never disappointed. I swallow and re-read. I smile and re-read. And upon each reading, more beauty, more subtlety, more panache and more style seeps into my corneas and into my muddy little pea-brain.
I take off my hat and bow to you.
2:55 PM
slim whale said...
you are simply inspiring! the first thing i'll do tonight is buy an apple green, lace briefs with little magenta and turquoise butterflies and flowers on the crotch. oh, that would be so hot.
3:52 PM
transience said...
flea >> you are too kind. i would take you home with me. and your brain is not muddy. just look at my boots. see? clean as a whistle.
slim whale >> yeah, baby. that's hot.
5:16 PM
finnegan said...
I was hoping you'd be rude; Do you by chance have any latex clothing?
I think we've dated in the past. Yes I'm sure of it. In fact, I've think I've still got the wedding certificate stashed in the same box with your garters.
8:12 PM
finnegan said...
grumblefish, I guess I'm reading too much into this line of your?: Surely a guy wouldn't be trivially hung for such an offense?
I know it's innocent, but no matter. I'm gonna use "trivially" as an adverb of degree to counter the more frequently used "well".
8:19 PM
anumita said...
I dont know whether I left a comment before when I read this but I read it again and went "wow! this is the stuff writers are made of!!"
By the way, caught the play?
8:35 PM
transience said...
finnegan >> sorry, no latex clothing. and i highly doubt we were ever married. i have an aversion to the i dos. and well hung? LOL!
anumita >> thanks very much, you. and i read parts and parts of the book but never caught the play. pity.
8:41 PM
Corsarius said...
damn damn damn. this was wonderful. very. i love one-paragraph pieces which read like poetry, dearie :D btw, apple green and magenta looks like UP turned all funky.
10:22 PM
Muss said...
The turquoise sounds wonderful ...
I am also currently a bridesmaid with the nod, nod, yes yes but I think, even though I love her, I may have gotten out of it because of technical difficulties. I have 2 chocolate brown dresses to choose from to wear, with turquoise accents and the most perfect shoes ...
12:03 AM
Aleksu said...
Oh I see, you prefer Bertsolari Blex ot Aizkolari Blex.
The lace is safe, but once removed...
8:12 AM
transience said...
corsarius >> god, you are such a sweetie. i mean, dearie. god. and i agree the color combination is funky. but please, not on a bridesmaid dress.
muss >> you sound like the lucky type of gal. wanna swap?
blex >> i have no problems with what happens after the lace is removed...however, it's enjoyable to keep the lace on.
12:54 PM
JErm said...
i'm all for apple green
1:54 PM
transience said...
oh, it suits you.
11:00 AM
Kathleen said...
weddings? those kinds of things seem very far away... especially ones involving magenta and apple green (hehe). Good luck with it all--auto-pilot weeks are very familiar to me.
1:37 AM
transience said...
i don't believe i will ever get married. that said, i will probably just struggle through the auto-pilot days.
