Thursday, November 04, 2005
one is the magic number

i realized, much to my chagrin, that i haven't slept around as much as i would have wanted to.

if i did sleep around, my goal would have had nothing to do with promiscuity and everything to do with research.

like everyone else, at one time or another, i have agitated myself into thinking that there are certain things in this life that i must know. like whether what i have right now is as good as it gets. or, G-spot aside, if there are other pleasure points in my body named after the remaining letters of the alphabet.

i've come to wonder if the grass is indeed greener on the other side. i may not know it, but there could be someone else out there whom i could have great sex with. there could be someone else who could provide me with that perfect cuddle, so i wouldn't have to keep shifting in bed to get comfortable before i fall asleep. there could be someone else who could wake up lucid, naked in a chilly room and after the endorphins have set in, just to get me a glass of water.

some people have the luxury of sifting through lovers like shoes—trying them on to see how they fit. i don't. i've only ever had one lover in my life. i have given up the whole "test marketing" routine to put all my faith in a single person who carries on his shoulders the burden of being my only.

unfortunately, monogamy makes me less objective. the quest for truth can never be as satisfying as when you start out with no preconceived notions.

so i'm back to square one.

do i give up my peace of mind and go forth bravely into a world where turning back is no option? or do i enjoy whatever action i can get under the sheets with the one i'm with?

there is no such a thing as a researcher who never suffered.

i rode north at 1:18 PM