Friday, November 12, 2004
dress code
you know it's going to be a bad day when MR. HIGHER-UP from the executive office pays you a personal visit instead of calling you on the phone. overall, he's alright. except that he always says i smell good from five feet away. and that my hair always frames my face in the most beguiling manner. always.

so he comes over and tells me that there's this big marketing event happening on the 22nd of november and that i just have to be there. it's not a bad offer, really. it would be a good opportunity for me to expand my prolific circle of contacts.

MR. HIGHER-UP: so what are you going to wear?

ME: my best pinstripes and stilettos. oh, and a chip on my
shoulder to complete the manhattan career witch look.

MR. HIGHER-UP: you're kidding, right?

ME: about the last part? of course i was. don't worry, i'll be good.

MR. HIGHER-UP: i meant about your outfit. the event's strictly formal. you should be a girl.

ME: (a bit miffed) i am a girl, halfwit.

MR. HIGHER-UP: yes, but on the 22nd, you have to look it.

ME: i'm meeting clients all day. i don't have time to change into a dress.

MR. HIGHER-UP: a gown. you're going to wear a gown if you don't want to stand outside the ballroom hungry all night.

ME: (unconvinced) i don't know.

MR. HIGHER-UP: think of all the puffed-up VIPs you'll be meeting.

ME: (still unconvinced) i don't know.

MR. HIGHER-UP: (cajolingly) i'll be giving a speech.

in my head, i was thinking, ooooohhh, you couldn't string together three syllables in public to save your life. i have to see this. and so...

ME: fine. i'll find a way to change into a goddamned dress.

MR. HIGHER-UP: a gown. not just a dress. and not those
short cocktail things, okay? a gown.

how i hate being patronized. i turn to my computer. that should signal the end of the conversation, but he keeps on talking. "a nice black number will do you just fine."

and "maybe something low in the back...or the front. whatever rocks your boat."

and then, "you'll be stunning. trust me." i imagine he is winking.

trust me? trust me?! ha! i'm sure that was exactly what the serpent said to eve before her fall from grace. i find myself shaking my head.

first we try, then we trust.

| o^o
31 kph

ennui

I can already imagine a black satin Oscar de la Renta with a plunging neckline. They'll see part of your lime green Victoria Secret push-up bra that hides "cherries" on them. The skirt will hug your hips and part of your svelt legs. It'll sweep the floors while you walk, satin and white tulle blossomed from below your knees like a mermaid's tail. And you'll be holding a small, rectangular, metallic tangerine Hermes clutch bag. I'm thinking about Kirstin Scott Thomas in the Oscars. Go bear your colossal ego aka your chest, over the less-endowed.

Borrowing Mr. Higher-Up ... "you'll be stunning. trust me." *wink, wink*
| o^o |

transience

bwahahahahaha! ohmigod! this is just too funny. my eyes are welling up.

(and my chest is NOT colossal. it's just right. xP)
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rain

you two are like step-outs from a sitcom...just hilariously crazy!
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transience

yeah, we're the regular punch and judy, aren't we? =D
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mussolini

i meant your chest IS collosal.
like jupiter.
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mussolini

i mean colossal.
punyeta
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transience

hahahaha! punyeta talaga. il duce needs a donut.

and please be considerate--my twins don't like to be talked about as if they're not here.
| o^o |

JErm

More blasphemy!! How do you deal with these humans anyway? I'd sure like to learn.. BTW Mr. Higher-Up could be a sentient.. watch your back! ;p
| o^o |

mussolini

hi, twins :)
now that we're talking about boobs, i kinda miss our nurse friend and her uniboob.
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transience

JErm >> i've attracted my share of halfwits. you live, you learn.

mussolini >> ah, yes. where does one end and the other begin? hey, let's buy pearl thongs. just a thought.
| o^o |

mussolini

i've seen a black lace thong with pearl g-string. looks really uncomfortable.

besides, i'm convinced it will make my buns look too big. like russia. the OLD RUSSIA.
| o^o |

transience

jesus, we're not going to climb 12 flights of stairs in them, are we? that would be cruel. worse than chafing.

and your derrière looks fine to me. i'm sure the smooch would agree. god save russia.
| o^o |

ennui

mussolini - buns can never be too big on a woman. sir mix-a-lot will agree with me. Ü

on a man though, it's downright hideous. they like it tight. ( | )
| o^o |

transience

would like to see your buns, ennui. then all will be forgiven.
| o^o |

ennui

in due time transience, in due time. i'm in no hurry to be absolved. ;)
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JErm

Buns? Let's make hotdog!! Mustard fight everyone!!!
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transience

mmmm. mustard. =D
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Kathleen

heheh, well do what you must... it doesn't seem like anyone can escape stereotypes huh?
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transience

what a wonderful world we live in. =)
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Kathleen

oh yeah, and I'm linking to you so I don't have to keep going to comments to get the URL
| o^o |

retarius

ahhh, the burden of being sexy. i was going to make a "gownless evening straps look" type joke, but instead i won't.
| o^o |

transience

hehe, nice. wouldn't that blow him away? =)
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retarius

aahhh, transcience, your words tempt and taunt me like chocolate, allure me like the sirens singing thier doomed songs, entice me like the bra section in a sears catolog entices a prepubecent male who has yet to know (in the biblical sense) a woman of the opposite sex. your bold confidence is arousing, your intelligence is stimulating, and i really really really love bicycles, which is the theme to your blog. i must ask, in a purely professional manner, as a cyber accauaintance, rungs lower on the friend hierarchy than an actual friend....do you dig short guys with tattoos?
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ennui

she's planning on getting a tatoo herself. i'll be joining her and tell you all about the experience ;)
| o^o |

transience

retarius >> in a purely professional manner, as a cyber-acquaintance, i would have to say that i dig any kind of guy—as long as the feeling is right. just ask ennui.

ennui >> we have a tattoo date then? we should ask bismuth to go, too.
| o^o |

ennui

I want to get a tatoo on my forearm that says "Incrediboy"
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Anonymous

Sounds like sexual harrassment to me. A sexy black number with a drop neck or low back? Eh.. no. You aren't there to solicit the clientele... are you? Sounds like he wants you on his arm as eye candy. Go in your bathrobe with curlers in your hair!

spank
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transience

ennui >> "incrediboy" sounds good. but i like "baby jack jack" better. maybe because i'm like a mother to you, haha!

spank >> how sweet! you worry too much doll. besides, i've never worn a bathrobe and curlers before. i can take care of myself sweetie. i'm a big girl.
| o^o |

ennui

but you're STILL like a mother to me! the elektra complex has never really rubbed off.

-- baby jack jack
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purse

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