Transient Stalker

2007-05-30T00:53:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

jackassery

a beautiful word, that one. jackassery. used to decribe me writing that 621 (634 if you count the quote)-word monstrosity that was yesterday's post. it's the longest piece of copy i've written so far, and about love even. if i keep writing such treatises so long that their printouts can be wrapped around the earth's equator twice, i'll lose my job, where concise is king. my boyfriend is bad for business.

22 kph

retarius pedaled up to say...: wow, you are right, jackassery is a pretty cool word, i love how it trills off the toungue. i must overuse it the first chance i get. if your boyfreind is bad for business, perhaps you are in the wrong business, at least while you have him. regarding the note you left on my blog...trans (may i call you trans?) you are TOO much kind...thank you very nice.; 7:20 PM
JErm pedaled up to say...: while i am one i would have to agree! ;p; 8:17 PM
transience pedaled up to say...: retarius >> trans is fine. and you're welcome. off the record, though, i tried some free writing of my own and i sucked. big time. so for now, i'll languish in the stuff that you do and hopefully, be inspired.

JErm >> really now.; 9:51 PM
monsterspank pedaled up to say...: I wouldn't say concise was king and I have one on there probably around a 3000 word count. It all depends on what you are looking to read. If you want movie trailers, book snippets, then concise is great, tells you what you need to know. However.. if you want to go on a journey of the psyche.. that's where people like us come in.. Jackassery is the belief that you need to conform to the concise masses.. fuck the mainstream!

Yeah, you know who.; 10:02 PM
transience pedaled up to say...: you make "fuck" sound so eloquent.

and i only say concise is king because ad copy should be concise and i'm a copywriter and concise ad copy is what clients want and i should probably switch off work mode now because my strep throat is getting worse and i need some sleep.

yeah, well after that reply...fuck concise.; 10:28 PM
ninjato pedaled up to say...: Heh...I agree it is a cool word...thank god I haven't had the opportunity to use it in that capacity, nor do I plan to...ever...of course I might be liable to eat my words but at the moment I'm pretty comfortable with what I just said =)

PS.
Am back after a week-long hiatus but am doing an article right now (which will be due on Friday. Although am itching to blog, am trying to fight the urge to once again procrastinate and cram everything on the last night, so might not appear again before the weekend, most likely will just pop up here and there =); 12:04 AM
transience pedaled up to say...: hehe. even if you don't find time to post, you find time to visit this girl's blog and leave a comment. you're one of the best scorpions i know.; 3:46 AM
JErm pedaled up to say...: in your case i would say concise is goddess.. but what the hell fuck concise!!; 7:48 AM
JErm pedaled up to say...: besides i love it when you spread it all down.. ;p; 7:49 AM
monsterspank pedaled up to say...: Yeahh.. "Fuccckkk" concise.. (said in raunchy english accent) people want concise they can read a bottled water label.; 9:50 AM
transience pedaled up to say...: JErm >> thank you for reading yesterday's post from word 1 to 634. your attention span is laudable.

monsterspank >> love the accent. i haven't heard it yet, but yeah, i'm feeling the love right now.; 10:24 AM
JErm pedaled up to say...: i read every byte down to the bits.. even your commas and dots and ones and zeros!! :); 10:46 AM
transience pedaled up to say...: such a stickler for details. hope everything-grammar, semantics, punctuation, yadda yadda-is in order.; 4:25 PM
JErm pedaled up to say...: it's a curse i have to live with.. too bad i can't apply it to myself.. :(; 5:39 PM
ennui pedaled up to say...: It's always in order even when you talk in your sleep ;>; 5:39 PM
transience pedaled up to say...: JErm >> you seem to be doing pretty well on your own.

ennui >> the shame! you're starting to sound like mussolini. so what if i'm anal about things like that?; 6:08 PM
monsterspank pedaled up to say...: Well.. "fuck" is a loving kinda word, isn't it? Then again it's a lot of things, handy dandy if you ask me! Like.. "fucking" google hasn't listed me yet, I'm lost in the void. Or.. I forgot where the "fuck" I put my putty trowel and.. that was a "fucking" good song on the radio.. yeah yeah.. heard it before. I just gave it a little personal moxie :) Oh yes, and someday I'll write on my own bloody "fucking" blog but I don't have "fuck" to say except that I'm one tired "fucker" from all this puttying & painting the "fucked-up" walls. 4 pointer. Sorry, you can delete this if you want lol; 2:02 AM
transience pedaled up to say...: bwahahahahaha! too funny. too goddamn funny. did you even breathe through that one?; 8:09 AM
monsterspank pedaled up to say...: Breathing is as overrated as brevity my dear; 8:36 AM
transience pedaled up to say...: then i'm in big trouble.; 8:47 AM
Anonymous pedaled up to say...: I know CPR!; 7:11 AM
transience pedaled up to say...: i know .; 9:38 AM

Pedal Up!

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2007-05-30T00:45:00.001-07:00

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to norway on a bicycle

my feet take me places. and they don't always touch the ground.
Tour de Force

* name: transience
* i drink my tea with milk and franz kafka.
* HOME
* SYNDICATION

Big Time Sensuality

* awesomedictatorprincess©
* vespertyn
* army of me
* beautiful agony
Deviations
+ ramen messenger
+ berri berriak/bitxikeriak
+ takingthebrim
Backpedaling
+ non sequitur: day four
+ non sequitur: day three
+ non sequitur: day two
+ non sequitur: day one
+ eleven : fifteen
+ the suzhou place
+ seven last words
+ overcome, by the fishermen three
+ the stop-drop sensibilities of the only one who ever really loved you
+ my name is aphrodite
Hitchhiker's Guide
+ fucking brilliant girl, if you ask me.
Tea Party
Linkage
+
+
+
+
+
B-sides and Rarities
+ a fist in the city
+ a fisted finnegan
+ a fist's off-key opera
+ a non-stop cavalcade of fun...revisited
+ blog of funk
+ crammer extraordinaire 4.1
+ dc9000
+ diary of a small squirrel
+ if spock is enough
+ internet addiction word therapy
+ JErmExpress.com
+ kahiti isle
+ love me or blow me, either way
+ my so-called strife
+ naridu wondering
+ phantasmagoria by dKm
+ red.in.green
+ RuKsaK
+ saddlesore review
+ sarah laughs...a lot
+ satirical veracity
+ slip of the pen
+ utility fish erotica
+ waking finnegan
+ what's up with you?
Intimations
+ prothiaden adventure
+ escape to carpathia
+ roundabout revolution
+ drowning bismuth on the way
+ existential despair
+ my life is under construction
+ guardian of the night sky
+ ::spanktography::
Northern Crossing
+ a doll's house
+ a place to breathe
+ a purple breeze
+ alice: in wonderland or not
+ alix in wunderland
+ anonymous antagonists
+ anonymous rowhouse
+ apple pathways
+ assimilate - innovate
+ atomic blue blog
+ bad art
+ baka no jutsu
+ beer notes
+ blue athena's island
+ boudica of suburbia
+ buddhist headscratch
+ buick city complex
+ camera shy
+ chris laughs
+ comienzos...(mi locura)
+ crashmebabyonemoretime
+ crossing guard
+ DLAK's blog of the living dead
+ e vestigio
+ english, august
+ every passing moment
+ fast and dumb
+ fire in the hole
+ fish in a bowl
+ flickeringcolours
+ fotosia
+ fuck it
+ hall of the monkey king
+ hark, imagination!
+ i am following my fish
+ idea-smithy
+ in the blink of an eye
+ irrepressible secrets
+ it's thursday, baby!
+ karma runs over dogma
+ kill the goat
+ kunstemaecker
+ la dauphine
+ life, love, nil
+ life on canvas
+ living the illusion
+ maiden flight
+ mariposa atomica
+ mind of jaxe
+ minstrel in the gallery
+ mottled memories
+ neurotic muse
+ never too late!
+ not small or sweet
+ ooh la la
+ ostrichspeak
+ out of boredom
+ pebbles to pillars
+ pink lemonade diva
+ population statistic
+ put on some gas!
+ queries of inquisition
+ ramblings of an idle insomniac
+ rex venom
+ right and blonde
+ safetinspector main blog
+ same thing, only different
+ searching for blue sea glass
+ shitzen~giggles
+ short black
+ simple american
+ sixty seconds
+ slip of the pen
+ slit trench
+ soloflite's demented mind
+ soul to squeeze
+ space filler
+ subtle vinegar
+ sunlight's like an open fridge
+ the front line
+ the glass wall
+ the lava lamp
+ the mind's playground
+ the paragraph novels
+ the souljacker diaries
+ thinkerinker
+ too cool to function
+ transient revelation
+ trapped in miami
+ trouble on westbourne
+ untainted interpretations
+ vesper's escape
+ violet daze
+ walken around
+ what
+ writings of faith
Yellow Lane
love is like tea with milk [+]
+ 10101
+ a fisherman of the air
+ auroraborealis
+ belligerent bliss
+ carcura
+ erchome
+ full moon obsession
+ grace addict
+ [here is a star-studded sky]
+ hermaphrodites unite
+ introduction
+ jackal
+ just another brain synapse
+ last stop suburbia
+ little light
+ love and forgetting
+ my life in a spoon
+ neel's tips and tidbits
+ nicole 1980+
+ non-ecumenical ramblings
+ pandora's box
+ racing stripes
+ rama the drama
+ reign of the claudzki
+ screams and smiles
+ spicy cauldron
+ starlit whispers
+ stories of bumming around
+ surreal existence
+ technicolored sunset
+ that kid. no that one.
+ the longest journey
+ the shadow of abaniko
+ thought safari
+ tao and zen
+ unsent letters to mary jane
+ welcome the drowning man
+ words
+ you are invited for all time
Milestones
i kissed kafka goodnight [+]
+ july 2004
+ august 2004
+ september 2004
+ october 2004
+ november 2004
+ december 2004
+ january 2005
+ february 2005
+ march 2005
+ april 2005
+ may 2005
+ june 2005
+ july 2005
+ august 2005
+ september 2005
+ october 2005
+ november 2005
+ december 2005
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005
non sequitur: day four

the one where they are all suddenly privy to too much, then too little information

in wonderfully accented proletariatese, he asked me, playfully, what sort of things i did behind closed doors. and i, years away from catholic school, told him, deadpan,

i pleasure myself on my stomach, for starters.

i rode north at 3:47 PM 30 kph
Monday, December 05, 2005
non sequitur: day three

the part where almost everything is a conversation, thus, the quotation marks

"i would consider it if i were completely wasted," i answered to his "i don't just want any baby. i want yours. so can we?"

there is something about the ego of a man that is directly proportional to his partner's seeded belly. i knew one part of him was joking. and that the other part was, well, not.

"i don't know. i have nightmares about it being 25 years old, questioning the meaning of life and writing words that will never get published. i fear running around after it, trying to mend its broken heart, just because it didn't get the book deal."

"that's the worst mistake a parent can make—live through her own child. it's thoroughly disgusting."

"i didn't say i would never get published. i was just exercising my right to imagine."

"i think you'd make a wonderful mother, though. despite what you think."

"i'd make a wonderful mother despite being vain, despotic, egotistical and crazed with creativity? you want a nazi?"

"we're an interracial couple, not conjurers. and may i remind you that my eyes are not blue, and neither are yours."

"why do you even want a child? some selfish desire to self-actualize? is it because you need, heaven forbid, a little version of you and me bawling its head off in soiled nappies to truly understand the meaning of martyrdom? do you need it to grow up and make more babies to populate this already very populated earth? do you require a vessel to carry on your name so this society, infected with some kind of degenerative disease, won't forget that it once existed?"

"that was way too many questions in way too sarcastic a manner—not fair. and i haven't decided. so don't influence my bias."

"that's hysterical."

"can't you just accept that i love you and want to have a baby with you?"

"i love you, too. madly. but there's just not enough cause-effect reasoning there to justify that a baby should be the end result of love."

"it's a simple explanation."

"the curse of being human and being so infinitely complex is that we think the simplest explanation is the right one. and what you said isn't even close to an explanation."

"i'm ignoring that. why do you keep referring to our future child as an it anyway?"

"because it hasn't happened. i refuse to give an idea a gender."

"that's a weird argument."

"i can talk circles around you, so you may as well shush."

"sometimes, i don't even believe you."

"yeah, i think i'm way ahead of my time, too."

since there was no other customer at this particular 7-11, the cashier listened in on our exchange, unabashedly, with the ease of someone who has counted out much too much change in front of thousands of suspicious eyes. she, who must have seen too many canisters of potato chips knocked down, thanked her god that there would be one less terror on two legs to test the undeniable force of gravity in a 24-hour convenience store. she gave me a grave nod as i paid for my mineral water.

"your change."

"thank you."

"no, ma'am. thank you."

there was one in this city that would sleep better tonight. and there was one who would wonder if anybody alive even deserved that measly little pleasure.

and you, you who are here with me today, must know that certainty is an illusion, novocain for those who have stopped doubting a world that continues to crash and clash and fall into itself.

i rode north at 7:12 PM 79 kph
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
non sequitur: day two

in which a reference to von trier's film leads me to, one, call a british boy a git, and two, talk about a lapse in affection

you have this preconceived notion, that nobody—listen—that nobody can't possibly attain the same high ethical standards as you. so you exonerate them. i cannot think of anything more arrogant than that...you forgive others with excuses that you would never in the world permit for yourself.
lars von trier, dogville

i'm in a band, the british boy told any vagina that would listen. possibly maybe a mental jaw dropped.

afterwards, when the initial shock had worn off, he said, no, he did not watch such von trier films. perhaps that statement should have ended something before it had even begun, a blinking neon sign pointing out that no, there was no mistake that he was a mistake. but none of you warned me that bad boys make the best goddamn cocaine.

he was a child, except where it mattered the most, inside the black pants with the leather buckles that went all the way up to his crotch. and he said again, this time to this vagina, that, no, he did not watch such von trier films. only today, it came out as, no, i don't bloody watch that crap. and i said, under my breath, what a git. only to him, it came out as, i love you, i want to have your baby.

some benevolent five-foot, one-inch god in me smiled up at the six-foot, two-inch daemon in him. there was a flicker of recognition, as old as time, and the powers-that-be canceled each other out like an outage, leaving us two to destroy each other in the universally accepted manner.

through a word addiction.

is it any surprise that we ended—1,064 documented conversations later—with me bidding him a sordid goodbye?

possibly maybe if he had watched the von trier film, he would have seen that the girl shoots the boy in the end, the perfect illustration of a conclusion. then maybe he would have taken the necessary precautions, like, for example, refrain from saying things such as, no, i do not watch such von trier films. but none of you warned him that good girls make the best goddamn cocaine.

if there is any real death, it is the random expiration of affection. when the breath of farewell leaves through the eyes and a half-open mouth, we have no choice but to forgive it. it is the arrogant thing to do.

i rode north at 6:04 PM 58 kph
Thursday, November 24, 2005
non sequitur: day one

wherein it unfolds that what seems like fiction isn't fiction at all but a real-life story of the pointless randomness of things

strangely, when i happened by, there was nothing else, not even the sound of bass mekanik. the beautiful machine was not waiting by the front door, as i had hoped, nor was it driving by in silly circles around what was a poor excuse for a rotunda. the face of my frailty fell into place, like a latch on the door that made a faint click. so i dialed a number. it would not be the first time.

i had taken off a party hat to don yet another one. two parties in one night. for a person who had an aversion to certain social proclivities, my situation was a unique one. if it was happy circumstance or an ominous sign of the utter senselessness which was to unfold, i would not know, until the end of my narrative.

ten minutes after placing the call, i rounded the bend. the pebbles on the gravel thumped as if responding to a rhythm from the sewers below the city streets. and there it was, from the source, the sound. the sound of bass mekanik and nothing else.

it was as if that entire moment had centered itself on the realization that things happen just because they do. that though there may seem to be an unseen hand guiding the course of events, there is none. that though life assumes the form and shape of fiction, it is not. randomness is the fruit of a tree that springs up in the most unlikely of places—like on a street corner beside the lamppost or in an abandoned house whose floor just gave way to the soil—just because it can. a tree punching a hole through a roof by way of the ground is no stranger than a man falling in love with the wrong woman.

i could have said that on my way from one party to another, i lost the ride that was supposed to take me from here to there. that i found it again after making a call and rounding the bend. but i didn't. instead, i described the night's events as if reality had left the world. as if the world had left me.

***
i will be the experimental diarist for the time being. bear with me.

i rode north at 6:30 PM 57 kph
Friday, November 11, 2005
eleven : fifteen

you touch your face. fingertips to forehead. you squint into a gently riddled sky like it was in the way.

there it is, the unconscious gesture of someone who has explicitly, unexplicably gone from me. on the board where the specials are written in chalk, the cappuccino misses a P. nobody else in his right mind notices. the white corelle dishes whisper among themselves, audience to our good graces.

we shouldn't have taken a place near the window : it's alright

my conscience tells me that we should leave now if we want to escape (whatever you call) this intact. the runaway tendencies should have kicked in somewhere between the second drink and the fourth forkful, but it seems they've run away, too. so we stay.

you should try this : maybe later

you smile, but it hits the ground and breaks in a ballet of tangents. i would name that smile (to the eyes it doesn't quite reach) the way i've named every other part of you, inch by excruciating inch. i would lay you out in soft, empty spaces and take you against your will, against the wall of my distant affection. i would breathe you in, move inside you so deeply you would never forget. but not right now—you are much too painful for me.

i think it's best we leave our intimacies at the table.

so tell me : but i've nothing to say

how you destroy me. to build me up again. to destroy me. everytime, i am a little less. then a little more. then a little something whose width and breadth and depth i hardly recognize.

later, when we're done jerking unseen boundaries back and forth like teaspoons doing duel, we will walk the walk of the amicable back to the car. like nothing happened. we will go home to our respective beds and lie there pretending. like it didn't matter. the scent of the evening will mark us on the delicate skin of our wrists.

let's ask for the check now : the check, please

nine minutes until closing time. i know because the waiter just flipped the sign. he's always spot on.

outside, escaping moonshine finger-traces the shivering pavement. a hopeful customer with a crooked collar is turned away at the door.

i rode north at 5:41 PM 74 kph
Thursday, November 10, 2005
the suzhou place

i know i am almost 70 kinds of cool because i can change from short shorts to hakama-style pants sitting down.

in a car with untinted windows.
driving down the main thoroughfare.
with my wingman calling me an exhibitionist.

i have an unusual repertoire of talents.

the evening was hot. the casual restaurant had an unspoken dress code, so i had to look more conservative if i wanted to eat. the boy with whom i had interracial relations with wasn't complaining about my attire, to be honest, but we both agreed suzhou cuisine was on the menu, not me.

we were there for the specialty, the shallot pancake. when the server brought ours out, it didn't look like much. it was a thinly rolled cake, eight inches in diameter. i ate each wedge by folding it tightly into rolls with my chopsticks, an occurence that sparked some heated debate over etiquette.

i won. though i don't think he realized that the soothing effect of the jasmine tea plus my expert footsie cost him precious points.

by the end of the evening, neither of us cared very much about anything but the warm, bland goodness of the food in front of us. a great meal and great company stays the hand of cruel, stoic reality for a good two hours and 17 minutes. believe me, the clock was accurate and i was keeping count.

today, i am entirely changed. i am convinced it was the shallots.

she (of the shimmering shoulders, the norwegian discos, the botticelli hair, the heartbreaker words) agrees. we wrote back and forth about it, too. i am only sorry that i didn't get the recipe. obviously, the restaurant owner and i didn't see eye-to-eye on spreading the love. besides, he babbled on and on in fookien. and i don't speak fookien.

a word of wisdom for the unwary. use the ginger dipping sauce, not the soy. if you want to go asian, you may as well do it right. and i don't mean that in a dirty old dude kind of way.

life's a party. i'm here for the food and i'm out to save the world with my little foodie tips. watch out.

i rode north at 8:57 PM 71 kph
Monday, November 07, 2005
seven last words

i feel everything you're afraid to feel.

i rode north at 1:43 PM 77 kph

2007-05-30T00:44:00.001-07:00

Notify Blogger about objectionable content.
What does this mean?
Blogger
Get your own blogFlag BlogNext blog
BlogThis!
to norway on a bicycle

my feet take me places. and they don't always touch the ground.
Tour de Force

* name: transience
* i drink my tea with milk and franz kafka.
* HOME
* SYNDICATION

Big Time Sensuality

* awesomedictatorprincess©
* vespertyn
* army of me
* beautiful agony
Deviations
+ ramen messenger
+ berri berriak/bitxikeriak
+ takingthebrim
Backpedaling
+ non sequitur: day four
+ non sequitur: day three
+ non sequitur: day two
+ non sequitur: day one
+ eleven : fifteen
+ the suzhou place
+ seven last words
+ overcome, by the fishermen three
+ the stop-drop sensibilities of the only one who ever really loved you
+ my name is aphrodite
Hitchhiker's Guide
+ fucking brilliant girl, if you ask me.
Tea Party
Linkage
+
+
+
+
+
B-sides and Rarities
+ a fist in the city
+ a fisted finnegan
+ a fist's off-key opera
+ a non-stop cavalcade of fun...revisited
+ blog of funk
+ crammer extraordinaire 4.1
+ dc9000
+ diary of a small squirrel
+ if spock is enough
+ internet addiction word therapy
+ JErmExpress.com
+ kahiti isle
+ love me or blow me, either way
+ my so-called strife
+ naridu wondering
+ phantasmagoria by dKm
+ red.in.green
+ RuKsaK
+ saddlesore review
+ sarah laughs...a lot
+ satirical veracity
+ slip of the pen
+ utility fish erotica
+ waking finnegan
+ what's up with you?
Intimations
+ prothiaden adventure
+ escape to carpathia
+ roundabout revolution
+ drowning bismuth on the way
+ existential despair
+ my life is under construction
+ guardian of the night sky
+ ::spanktography::
Northern Crossing
+ a doll's house
+ a place to breathe
+ a purple breeze
+ alice: in wonderland or not
+ alix in wunderland
+ anonymous antagonists
+ anonymous rowhouse
+ apple pathways
+ assimilate - innovate
+ atomic blue blog
+ bad art
+ baka no jutsu
+ beer notes
+ blue athena's island
+ boudica of suburbia
+ buddhist headscratch
+ buick city complex
+ camera shy
+ chris laughs
+ comienzos...(mi locura)
+ crashmebabyonemoretime
+ crossing guard
+ DLAK's blog of the living dead
+ e vestigio
+ english, august
+ every passing moment
+ fast and dumb
+ fire in the hole
+ fish in a bowl
+ flickeringcolours
+ fotosia
+ fuck it
+ hall of the monkey king
+ hark, imagination!
+ i am following my fish
+ idea-smithy
+ in the blink of an eye
+ irrepressible secrets
+ it's thursday, baby!
+ karma runs over dogma
+ kill the goat
+ kunstemaecker
+ la dauphine
+ life, love, nil
+ life on canvas
+ living the illusion
+ maiden flight
+ mariposa atomica
+ mind of jaxe
+ minstrel in the gallery
+ mottled memories
+ neurotic muse
+ never too late!
+ not small or sweet
+ ooh la la
+ ostrichspeak
+ out of boredom
+ pebbles to pillars
+ pink lemonade diva
+ population statistic
+ put on some gas!
+ queries of inquisition
+ ramblings of an idle insomniac
+ rex venom
+ right and blonde
+ safetinspector main blog
+ same thing, only different
+ searching for blue sea glass
+ shitzen~giggles
+ short black
+ simple american
+ sixty seconds
+ slip of the pen
+ slit trench
+ soloflite's demented mind
+ soul to squeeze
+ space filler
+ subtle vinegar
+ sunlight's like an open fridge
+ the front line
+ the glass wall
+ the lava lamp
+ the mind's playground
+ the paragraph novels
+ the souljacker diaries
+ thinkerinker
+ too cool to function
+ transient revelation
+ trapped in miami
+ trouble on westbourne
+ untainted interpretations
+ vesper's escape
+ violet daze
+ walken around
+ what
+ writings of faith
Yellow Lane
love is like tea with milk [+]
+ 10101
+ a fisherman of the air
+ auroraborealis
+ belligerent bliss
+ carcura
+ erchome
+ full moon obsession
+ grace addict
+ [here is a star-studded sky]
+ hermaphrodites unite
+ introduction
+ jackal
+ just another brain synapse
+ last stop suburbia
+ little light
+ love and forgetting
+ my life in a spoon
+ neel's tips and tidbits
+ nicole 1980+
+ non-ecumenical ramblings
+ pandora's box
+ racing stripes
+ rama the drama
+ reign of the claudzki
+ screams and smiles
+ spicy cauldron
+ starlit whispers
+ stories of bumming around
+ surreal existence
+ technicolored sunset
+ that kid. no that one.
+ the longest journey
+ the shadow of abaniko
+ thought safari
+ tao and zen
+ unsent letters to mary jane
+ welcome the drowning man
+ words
+ you are invited for all time
Milestones
i kissed kafka goodnight [+]
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005
non sequitur: day four

the one where they are all suddenly privy to too much, then too little information

in wonderfully accented proletariatese, he asked me, playfully, what sort of things i did behind closed doors. and i, years away from catholic school, told him, deadpan,

i pleasure myself on my stomach, for starters.

i rode north at 3:47 PM 48 kph
Monday, December 05, 2005
non sequitur: day three

the part where almost everything is a conversation, thus, the quotation marks

"i would consider it if i were completely wasted," i answered to his "i don't just want any baby. i want yours. so can we?"

there is something about the ego of a man that is directly proportional to his partner's seeded belly. i knew one part of him was joking. and that the other part was, well, not.

"i don't know. i have nightmares about it being 25 years old, questioning the meaning of life and writing words that will never get published. i fear running around after it, trying to mend its broken heart, just because it didn't get the book deal."

"that's the worst mistake a parent can make—live through her own child. it's thoroughly disgusting."

"i didn't say i would never get published. i was just exercising my right to imagine."

"i think you'd make a wonderful mother, though. despite what you think."

"i'd make a wonderful mother despite being vain, despotic, egotistical and crazed with creativity? you want a nazi?"

"we're an interracial couple, not conjurers. and may i remind you that my eyes are not blue, and neither are yours."

"why do you even want a child? some selfish desire to self-actualize? is it because you need, heaven forbid, a little version of you and me bawling its head off in soiled nappies to truly understand the meaning of martyrdom? do you need it to grow up and make more babies to populate this already very populated earth? do you require a vessel to carry on your name so this society, infected with some kind of degenerative disease, won't forget that it once existed?"

"that was way too many questions in way too sarcastic a manner—not fair. and i haven't decided. so don't influence my bias."

"that's hysterical."

"can't you just accept that i love you and want to have a baby with you?"

"i love you, too. madly. but there's just not enough cause-effect reasoning there to justify that a baby should be the end result of love."

"it's a simple explanation."

"the curse of being human and being so infinitely complex is that we think the simplest explanation is the right one. and what you said isn't even close to an explanation."

"i'm ignoring that. why do you keep referring to our future child as an it anyway?"

"because it hasn't happened. i refuse to give an idea a gender."

"that's a weird argument."

"i can talk circles around you, so you may as well shush."

"sometimes, i don't even believe you."

"yeah, i think i'm way ahead of my time, too."

since there was no other customer at this particular 7-11, the cashier listened in on our exchange, unabashedly, with the ease of someone who has counted out much too much change in front of thousands of suspicious eyes. she, who must have seen too many canisters of potato chips knocked down, thanked her god that there would be one less terror on two legs to test the undeniable force of gravity in a 24-hour convenience store. she gave me a grave nod as i paid for my mineral water.

"your change."

"thank you."

"no, ma'am. thank you."

there was one in this city that would sleep better tonight. and there was one who would wonder if anybody alive even deserved that measly little pleasure.

and you, you who are here with me today, must know that certainty is an illusion, novocain for those who have stopped doubting a world that continues to crash and clash and fall into itself.

i rode north at 7:12 PM 80 kph
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
non sequitur: day two

in which a reference to von trier's film leads me to, one, call a british boy a git, and two, talk about a lapse in affection

you have this preconceived notion, that nobody—listen—that nobody can't possibly attain the same high ethical standards as you. so you exonerate them. i cannot think of anything more arrogant than that...you forgive others with excuses that you would never in the world permit for yourself.
lars von trier, dogville

i'm in a band, the british boy told any vagina that would listen. possibly maybe a mental jaw dropped.

afterwards, when the initial shock had worn off, he said, no, he did not watch such von trier films. perhaps that statement should have ended something before it had even begun, a blinking neon sign pointing out that no, there was no mistake that he was a mistake. but none of you warned me that bad boys make the best goddamn cocaine.

he was a child, except where it mattered the most, inside the black pants with the leather buckles that went all the way up to his crotch. and he said again, this time to this vagina, that, no, he did not watch such von trier films. only today, it came out as, no, i don't bloody watch that crap. and i said, under my breath, what a git. only to him, it came out as, i love you, i want to have your baby.

some benevolent five-foot, one-inch god in me smiled up at the six-foot, two-inch daemon in him. there was a flicker of recognition, as old as time, and the powers-that-be canceled each other out like an outage, leaving us two to destroy each other in the universally accepted manner.

through a word addiction.

is it any surprise that we ended—1,064 documented conversations later—with me bidding him a sordid goodbye?

possibly maybe if he had watched the von trier film, he would have seen that the girl shoots the boy in the end, the perfect illustration of a conclusion. then maybe he would have taken the necessary precautions, like, for example, refrain from saying things such as, no, i do not watch such von trier films. but none of you warned him that good girls make the best goddamn cocaine.

if there is any real death, it is the random expiration of affection. when the breath of farewell leaves through the eyes and a half-open mouth, we have no choice but to forgive it. it is the arrogant thing to do.

i rode north at 6:04 PM 58 kph
Thursday, November 24, 2005
non sequitur: day one

wherein it unfolds that what seems like fiction isn't fiction at all but a real-life story of the pointless randomness of things

strangely, when i happened by, there was nothing else, not even the sound of bass mekanik. the beautiful machine was not waiting by the front door, as i had hoped, nor was it driving by in silly circles around what was a poor excuse for a rotunda. the face of my frailty fell into place, like a latch on the door that made a faint click. so i dialed a number. it would not be the first time.

i had taken off a party hat to don yet another one. two parties in one night. for a person who had an aversion to certain social proclivities, my situation was a unique one. if it was happy circumstance or an ominous sign of the utter senselessness which was to unfold, i would not know, until the end of my narrative.

ten minutes after placing the call, i rounded the bend. the pebbles on the gravel thumped as if responding to a rhythm from the sewers below the city streets. and there it was, from the source, the sound. the sound of bass mekanik and nothing else.

it was as if that entire moment had centered itself on the realization that things happen just because they do. that though there may seem to be an unseen hand guiding the course of events, there is none. that though life assumes the form and shape of fiction, it is not. randomness is the fruit of a tree that springs up in the most unlikely of places—like on a street corner beside the lamppost or in an abandoned house whose floor just gave way to the soil—just because it can. a tree punching a hole through a roof by way of the ground is no stranger than a man falling in love with the wrong woman.

i could have said that on my way from one party to another, i lost the ride that was supposed to take me from here to there. that i found it again after making a call and rounding the bend. but i didn't. instead, i described the night's events as if reality had left the world. as if the world had left me.

***
i will be the experimental diarist for the time being. bear with me.

i rode north at 6:30 PM 57 kph
Friday, November 11, 2005
eleven : fifteen

you touch your face. fingertips to forehead. you squint into a gently riddled sky like it was in the way.

there it is, the unconscious gesture of someone who has explicitly, unexplicably gone from me. on the board where the specials are written in chalk, the cappuccino misses a P. nobody else in his right mind notices. the white corelle dishes whisper among themselves, audience to our good graces.

we shouldn't have taken a place near the window : it's alright

my conscience tells me that we should leave now if we want to escape (whatever you call) this intact. the runaway tendencies should have kicked in somewhere between the second drink and the fourth forkful, but it seems they've run away, too. so we stay.

you should try this : maybe later

you smile, but it hits the ground and breaks in a ballet of tangents. i would name that smile (to the eyes it doesn't quite reach) the way i've named every other part of you, inch by excruciating inch. i would lay you out in soft, empty spaces and take you against your will, against the wall of my distant affection. i would breathe you in, move inside you so deeply you would never forget. but not right now—you are much too painful for me.

i think it's best we leave our intimacies at the table.

so tell me : but i've nothing to say

how you destroy me. to build me up again. to destroy me. everytime, i am a little less. then a little more. then a little something whose width and breadth and depth i hardly recognize.

later, when we're done jerking unseen boundaries back and forth like teaspoons doing duel, we will walk the walk of the amicable back to the car. like nothing happened. we will go home to our respective beds and lie there pretending. like it didn't matter. the scent of the evening will mark us on the delicate skin of our wrists.

let's ask for the check now : the check, please

nine minutes until closing time. i know because the waiter just flipped the sign. he's always spot on.

outside, escaping moonshine finger-traces the shivering pavement. a hopeful customer with a crooked collar is turned away at the door.

i rode north at 5:41 PM 74 kph
Thursday, November 10, 2005
the suzhou place

i know i am almost 70 kinds of cool because i can change from short shorts to hakama-style pants sitting down.

in a car with untinted windows.
driving down the main thoroughfare.
with my wingman calling me an exhibitionist.

i have an unusual repertoire of talents.

the evening was hot. the casual restaurant had an unspoken dress code, so i had to look more conservative if i wanted to eat. the boy with whom i had interracial relations with wasn't complaining about my attire, to be honest, but we both agreed suzhou cuisine was on the menu, not me.

we were there for the specialty, the shallot pancake. when the server brought ours out, it didn't look like much. it was a thinly rolled cake, eight inches in diameter. i ate each wedge by folding it tightly into rolls with my chopsticks, an occurence that sparked some heated debate over etiquette.

i won. though i don't think he realized that the soothing effect of the jasmine tea plus my expert footsie cost him precious points.

by the end of the evening, neither of us cared very much about anything but the warm, bland goodness of the food in front of us. a great meal and great company stays the hand of cruel, stoic reality for a good two hours and 17 minutes. believe me, the clock was accurate and i was keeping count.

today, i am entirely changed. i am convinced it was the shallots.

she (of the shimmering shoulders, the norwegian discos, the botticelli hair, the heartbreaker words) agrees. we wrote back and forth about it, too. i am only sorry that i didn't get the recipe. obviously, the restaurant owner and i didn't see eye-to-eye on spreading the love. besides, he babbled on and on in fookien. and i don't speak fookien.

a word of wisdom for the unwary. use the ginger dipping sauce, not the soy. if you want to go asian, you may as well do it right. and i don't mean that in a dirty old dude kind of way.

life's a party. i'm here for the food and i'm out to save the world with my little foodie tips. watch out.

i rode north at 8:57 PM 71 kph
Monday, November 07, 2005
seven last words

i feel everything you're afraid to feel.

i rode north at 1:43 PM 77 kph

2007-05-30T00:43:00.001-07:00

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to norway on a bicycle

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i kissed kafka goodnight [+]
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Tuesday, January 24, 2006
the tao of less

let's say you have a house, a car, a fat tabby, a swell-paying nine-to-five, an unbelievably erotic consumerist relationship with PRADA, cable TV, a washboard stomach, an original play in three acts, an espresso machine, a microwaveable lunch from 7-fucking-11. and yet you feel empty. are inclined to feel preachy. you look down the toilet with its annoyingly efficient bidet and you flush half your idealism away. and you say, how about i go back to basics because

less is more.
less is healthy.
less is beautiful.
less will make me thin.
less will make me a better person.

fuck less.

less is a lie your churchgoing mother told you. or if you knew my mother, you would have probably heard it from her.

less is not basic. less is that dilapidated couch with stains of whatever spotting it in places. less is the girl you never bedded, the five-course meal at that ritzy place you never got to eat, the motherfucker you never flipped off at the bar around the corner, the porn you never got to wank off to, the imaginary friend you chose over the love of your goddamn life. spit, rinse, repeat. less is beyond obsolete.

on the other hand, less is the last great melancholy. and the only two good things about that is that it makes catholics guiltier than usual and poetry much more romantic. got a sob story? me, too. let's swap over coffee. then maybe we could, you know, do that thing where people beat around the bush before jumping into bed and end up sobbing a third person's name. how many times did you come? how the fuck should i know? do you see a scoreboard anywhere on me? do you hear me shouting GOAL! every time the proverbial ball sailed through the net?

i'm probably having this pointless conversation with myself at 8:13 in the morning to distract myself from the pain of having to go in for work for the 20th day this year. but if, for a split second, i really wondered why i was having this pointless conversation with myself, i would have realized that provided that i didn't have a house, a car, a fat tabby, a swell-paying nine-to-five, an unbelievably erotic consumerist relationship with PRADA, cable TV, a washboard stomach, an original play in three acts, an espresso machine, a microwaveable lunch from 7-fucking-11, the last thing i would want was

less.

i've three mobile phones, though. and in some places, that would be considered deliberate, gaudy excess with a tinge of unimaginable jackassery.

jesus. i'm feeling much better already.

i rode north at 8:30 AM 28 kph
Friday, January 13, 2006
an intervening space

we've nothing but a few hours from here
.
.
.
.....................................................................to there
.
.
.
the breath of which exhales one-sided expectation while a jackson pollock sunset watches. it's a rip-off, i agree, but let's make do. we've not done this in a while, and i've a love that needs tousling.

let's go to where we imagine the stars would shine the brightest. where we would attract the attention of several lanes of traffic if you took my hands in your hands and put them where you wanted my memory to be.

or, or, or

let's happen right now.

should i straddle you like this and let my hair cover your face like this, wrap my weakness around you like this and grip you tightly by the waist like this? should you put your trembling lips to my throat like this to whisper my name in some odd, groaning fashion like this, suck the heat from off my skin and let it cling to your mouth sweetly like this? i've yet to take leave of this body and misplace my soul through my hips and eyes, my cries and clenched fingers.

and in the seconds that command us, you ask as if the question just occured to you, how can a little girl like you have so much? and i laugh and say that my body was made too small to contain the normal amount.

no, not too small, not too small, just right for the taking, let me arrange you on this bed again, before the city goes under, and i'm leaving on a jet plane, i don't know when i'll be back again.

we move as a patchwork night watches us, hand over mouth, through an open window. i sleep, afterwards, naked and oblivious, as if you would always be there to ward off a cruel world and then wake me up for breakfast.

i rode north at 5:41 PM 70 kph
Monday, January 09, 2006
sojournoir

debut
and she emerged right behind another's shadow

i rode north at 10:09 AM 90 kph
Monday, January 02, 2006
non sequitur: day five

where the end was a long time coming but it comes anyway

the window is big enough. there's a ledge, too, which i believe, has had too many dalliances with the designated jumpers of our time. today, the ghost of a recently concluded memory sits there and i am coaxing him to come back in. he is beautiful. too beautiful. and i am not suspicious enough.

i'm reaching out to him. "come back in, ghost of a recently concluded memory. it's cold out." he is as hazy as a once-upon-a-time sea. and i am the rock he once threw himself against over and over until he was bruised with fragile obsession.

he looks at my hand. then into my eyes. "if i come back in, will you lead me to that bed and take me?" his voice catches. it has the tone of desperation. i invented that tone. it's mine.

no is a two-letter interjection used to indicate a negative response. what part of no is so difficult to understand? it escapes me. but not him.

he hangs his head. one of his buttons is in the wrong buttonhole. to love is to fall victim to folly.

"if you can't take me back, let me go." hot damn. the ghost of a recently concluded memory had a way with words that i would never have.

suddenly, like that august season, he fell gently, along with a whim of wind. whim sounds like an old forty-five playing on a bad phonograph.

i can't help but look over the edge. i see him on the ground, lying in pieces of forgotten warmth and unfulfilled desire. a young girl on a bicycle stops and starts to pick them up, one by one. everyday, all over the world, resolutions are broken. it's tradition, you see. it's tradition to fall victim to folly.

i could have just pushed him, i know. but brave deeds require much, much more of me.

the sky outside reflects who i am at the moment—partly cloudy, or overcast, with a hint of rain. at exactly two o' clock, the world will close in on me. and the end that was almost definitely the end will be a beginning.

the bed invites with a poker face to come play. i shed some skin and pull the sheets all the way to my soul. it will be touch and go for while.

i rode north at 2:02 PM 78 kph
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
non sequitur: day four

the one where they are all suddenly privy to too much, then too little information

in wonderfully accented proletariatese, he asked me, playfully, what sort of things i did behind closed doors. and i, years away from catholic school, told him, deadpan,

i pleasure myself on my stomach, for starters.

i rode north at 3:47 PM 103 kph
Monday, December 05, 2005
non sequitur: day three

the part where almost everything is a conversation, thus, the quotation marks

"i would consider it if i were completely wasted," i answered to his "i don't just want any baby. i want yours. so can we?"

there is something about the ego of a man that is directly proportional to his partner's seeded belly. i knew one part of him was joking. and that the other part was, well, not.

"i don't know. i have nightmares about it being 25 years old, questioning the meaning of life and writing words that will never get published. i fear running around after it, trying to mend its broken heart, just because it didn't get the book deal."

"that's the worst mistake a parent can make—live through her own child. it's thoroughly disgusting."

"i didn't say i would never get published. i was just exercising my right to imagine."

"i think you'd make a wonderful mother, though. despite what you think."

"i'd make a wonderful mother despite being vain, despotic, egotistical and crazed with creativity? you want a nazi?"

"we're an interracial couple, not conjurers. and may i remind you that my eyes are not blue, and neither are yours."

"why do you even want a child? some selfish desire to self-actualize? is it because you need, heaven forbid, a little version of you and me bawling its head off in soiled nappies to truly understand the meaning of martyrdom? do you need it to grow up and make more babies to populate this already very populated earth? do you require a vessel to carry on your name so this society, infected with some kind of degenerative disease, won't forget that it once existed?"

"that was way too many questions in way too sarcastic a manner—not fair. and i haven't decided. so don't influence my bias."

"that's hysterical."

"can't you just accept that i love you and want to have a baby with you?"

"i love you, too. madly. but there's just not enough cause-effect reasoning there to justify that a baby should be the end result of love."

"it's a simple explanation."

"the curse of being human and being so infinitely complex is that we think the simplest explanation is the right one. and what you said isn't even close to an explanation."

"i'm ignoring that. why do you keep referring to our future child as an it anyway?"

"because it hasn't happened. i refuse to give an idea a gender."

"that's a weird argument."

"i can talk circles around you, so you may as well shush."

"sometimes, i don't even believe you."

"yeah, i think i'm way ahead of my time, too."

since there was no other customer at this particular 7-11, the cashier listened in on our exchange, unabashedly, with the ease of someone who has counted out much too much change in front of thousands of suspicious eyes. she, who must have seen too many canisters of potato chips knocked down, thanked her god that there would be one less terror on two legs to test the undeniable force of gravity in a 24-hour convenience store. she gave me a grave nod as i paid for my mineral water.

"your change."

"thank you."

"no, ma'am. thank you."

there was one in this city that would sleep better tonight. and there was one who would wonder if anybody alive even deserved that measly little pleasure.

and you, you who are here with me today, must know that certainty is an illusion, novocain for those who have stopped doubting a world that continues to crash and clash and fall into itself.

i rode north at 7:12 PM 84 kph
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
non sequitur: day two

in which a reference to von trier's film leads me to, one, call a british boy a git, and two, talk about a lapse in affection

you have this preconceived notion, that nobody—listen—that nobody can't possibly attain the same high ethical standards as you. so you exonerate them. i cannot think of anything more arrogant than that...you forgive others with excuses that you would never in the world permit for yourself.
lars von trier, dogville

i'm in a band, the british boy told any vagina that would listen. possibly maybe a mental jaw dropped.

afterwards, when the initial shock had worn off, he said, no, he did not watch such von trier films. perhaps that statement should have ended something before it had even begun, a blinking neon sign pointing out that no, there was no mistake that he was a mistake. but none of you warned me that bad boys make the best goddamn cocaine.

he was a child, except where it mattered the most, inside the black pants with the leather buckles that went all the way up to his crotch. and he said again, this time to this vagina, that, no, he did not watch such von trier films. only today, it came out as, no, i don't bloody watch that crap. and i said, under my breath, what a git. only to him, it came out as, i love you, i want to have your baby.

some benevolent five-foot, one-inch god in me smiled up at the six-foot, two-inch daemon in him. there was a flicker of recognition, as old as time, and the powers-that-be canceled each other out like an outage, leaving us two to destroy each other in the universally accepted manner.

through a word addiction.

is it any surprise that we ended—1,064 documented conversations later—with me bidding him a sordid goodbye?

possibly maybe if he had watched the von trier film, he would have seen that the girl shoots the boy in the end, the perfect illustration of a conclusion. then maybe he would have taken the necessary precautions, like, for example, refrain from saying things such as, no, i do not watch such von trier films. but none of you warned him that good girls make the best goddamn cocaine.

if there is any real death, it is the random expiration of affection. when the breath of farewell leaves through the eyes and a half-open mouth, we have no choice but to forgive it. it is the arrogant thing to do.

i rode north at 6:04 PM 58 kph

2007-05-30T00:39:00.000-07:00

Monday, February 13, 2006

sometimes you are

this.

the shadow you left on my porch today. and with it, my remembrance of who you are and who we were, which curled itself into itself, a loyal thing at its master's feet. i bend down and throw it scraps with a strange nonchalance. there is no one else to judge us here.

how unmistakable you are. the outline of your hands on the ground where you crumpled the soil. the devastation of the sky right under where you stood, where your energy was noncommittal, yet when disturbed, thundered against my walls with just a shrug of your shoulder.

which was what brought me out here, wondering why you stepped forward then faltered, why instead of you there is this. and the many other reasons.

you are everybody's desperate fiction, cutting deeply in the places where nobody feels anymore. the twists and turns of your plot become less easier than the real thing. but don't worry. elsewhere, every i, he, she, it, they loves your bullshit charm and your light and your bottles of absinthe and your secrets and your little-boy desolation and your wounds that we touched and healed with our fingertips together.

(how could we have known enough to hide the affliction of our souls, bandaged but not enough to keep the sighing, prying eyes from ravaging the pieces of our history?)

and this breath of miles between us. i think, living under our skin, are such compulsions. the ones that urge us to take and take in and take of one last time. the ones that the world releases from her sight, the way a constellation lets go of stars.

(hurry. go quickly now. because the lights are coming on in the house of love and he will be looking for me.)

and this, finally.

this.

you and i both.

the open-ending on the porch, where we

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

you make me feel like i wanna be a dumb blonde in a centerfold

you make me feel like a sticky pistil
leaning into her stamen
you make me feel like mr. sunshine himself
you make me feel like splendor
in the grass where we're rolling
damn skippy, baby
you make me feel like the amazon's running
between my thighs
feelin' love, paula cole

you've gotten under my skin. the first thing i write after you go is a lyric from the song i lap-danced for you.

remember how you left me? gasping in awe, lips and legs slightly parted to your memory. i have a feeling that when we talk on the phone tonight, i will tell you, matter-of-factly, as if ordering an apéritif, "do me till i can't breathe." and maybe as an afterthought, "like bunnies. let's do it like bunnies." and you will tell me, gently, to wait until you come home again.

you charm the storied world right out of me. until there is nothing left but this itch i can't quite scratch. this tingling of senses like raw, exposed nerves. this sticky-sweet emptiness that experts on the matter would call LOVE.

love, they say.

but i don't know a love like this.

i do know you, though. i think that's enough. i know the feel of you, the intimacy of you, the fragments of you that stick to me when i sit in bed, in your clothes, playing pretend. i've always played good pretend, but lately, it just isn't as fun anymore. i want us to break into being together, rilke-style, into tiny, shiny pieces. then maybe we could clean up the glorious mess and do it all over again.

and that's it, i suppose. i've no prettified words today. just these for you to do with as you like. because, really, i want you too much to actually want to think straight.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

timeintotime

"i'll meet you," she said. "at the bus stop, one tuesday."

"how would i know?" he asked.

"you'd know. my hair, my eyes, my lips, my skin would make the world fall tenderly around you from two blocks away."

it's been years now, and the books she sent you had long tired themselves out making love with the dust bunnies under your bed. you've called her name more than a few times since, but only ended up waking the ghost of her imagined taste in your mouth. and you curse in english and a smattering of other languages you've picked up along the way. your tavern cursing always made her laugh.

it's six in the morning. time to walk her out of your system again. maybe you'll take that book on hentai she found so gloriously entertaining. you could never get that about her. but okay, you'll take her book out for some fresh air today.

you turn your collar up against the chill of old, familiar things. there's the baptist church. the school. the diner where you could always get them big-ass breakfasts. oh, the avenue with its hint of eternal autumn. and later, further on, the bus stop.

(you're dreading it already.)

"god, but my world is small," you say. and you gently finger the spine of the book in your hand as if it were her spine you were touching.

you don't know how to let go, really. every moment is marked with this and that of her. your best friend, probably with the best of intentions, says earnestly, "go out and fuck, man. i'd fix you up with somebody. you have to let me help you." as if you were some kind of crazy with no common sense to speak of. you don't tell him how you've fucked five different women in three days. all of them drop-dead gorgeous in their respective parts of the world. all of them not her. sure, it helped quiet the demons for a while.

anyway, here's the bus stop. here's where time stands still. for you, it would always be tuesday in these parts.

(bus 21892 boarding.)

and you think, maybe it'll be different today. maybe, you wouldn't let me walk by because you thought it would go nowhere. maybe you would make the world fall tenderly around me from two blocks away. or even from one block away. okay, how about half a block? don't make me grovel, sweetheart. please, don't. i can love you so much better than this.

and damn it, somebody manages to interrupt your sad little monologue. "may i have the time?"

you say, even without looking at your watch, "it's 6:45. well, i could be off for a few minutes or so, but i'm pretty sure that's accurate."

"thanks."

you look away from the beautiful stranger and turn your face up to the sky, that lovely blue suicide poem. you think of how you would lay her down under that sky, how you would take everything of her, how you would die small deaths together. your lower belly stirs with that same old desire. but it's time to go and you've things to do.

"see you around," you say, as your mind moves on to other things. like paperwork and the electric bill and tomorrow's date with anya, or whatever name her mother gave her in slovenia.

you turn away from 6:45, the bus stop, tuesday. and the world, ironic as it is, happens right behind your back—melting into a der blaue reiter kandinksy all around you.

she gave you that book on abstract paintings, too. but then, come to think of it, she never really knew how to move you.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

the tao of less

let's say you have a house, a car, a fat tabby, a swell-paying nine-to-five, an unbelievably erotic consumerist relationship with PRADA, cable TV, a washboard stomach, an original play in three acts, an espresso machine, a microwaveable lunch from 7-fucking-11. and yet you feel empty. are inclined to feel preachy. you look down the toilet with its annoyingly efficient bidet and you flush half your idealism away. and you say, how about i go back to basics because

less is more.
less is healthy.
less is beautiful.
less will make me thin.
less will make me a better person.

fuck less.

less is a lie your churchgoing mother told you. or if you knew my mother, you would have probably heard it from her.

less is not basic. less is that dilapidated couch with stains of whatever spotting it in places. less is the girl you never bedded, the five-course meal at that ritzy place you never got to eat, the motherfucker you never flipped off at the bar around the corner, the porn you never got to wank off to, the imaginary friend you chose over the love of your goddamn life. spit, rinse, repeat. less is beyond obsolete.

on the other hand, less is the last great melancholy. and the only two good things about that is that it makes catholics guiltier than usual and poetry much more romantic. got a sob story? me, too. let's swap over coffee. then maybe we could, you know, do that thing where people beat around the bush before jumping into bed and end up sobbing a third person's name. how many times did you come? how the fuck should i know? do you see a scoreboard anywhere on me? do you hear me shouting GOAL! every time the proverbial ball sailed through the net?

i'm probably having this pointless conversation with myself at 8:13 in the morning to distract myself from the pain of having to go in for work for the 20th day this year. but if, for a split second, i really wondered why i was having this pointless conversation with myself, i would have realized that provided that i didn't have a house, a car, a fat tabby, a swell-paying nine-to-five, an unbelievably erotic consumerist relationship with PRADA, cable TV, a washboard stomach, an original play in three acts, an espresso machine, a microwaveable lunch from 7-fucking-11, the last thing i would want was

less.

i've three mobile phones, though. and in some places, that would be considered deliberate, gaudy excess with a tinge of unimaginable jackassery.

jesus. i'm feeling much better already.

Friday, January 13, 2006

an intervening space

we've nothing but a few hours from here
.
.
.
.....................................................................to there
.
.
.
the breath of which exhales one-sided expectation while a jackson pollock sunset watches. it's a rip-off, i agree, but let's make do. we've not done this in a while, and i've a love that needs tousling.

let's go to where we imagine the stars would shine the brightest. where we would attract the attention of several lanes of traffic if you took my hands in your hands and put them where you wanted my memory to be.

or, or, or

let's happen right now.

should i straddle you like this and let my hair cover your face like this, wrap my weakness around you like this and grip you tightly by the waist like this? should you put your trembling lips to my throat like this to whisper my name in some odd, groaning fashion like this, suck the heat from off my skin and let it cling to your mouth sweetly like this? i've yet to take leave of this body and misplace my soul through my hips and eyes, my cries and clenched fingers.

and in the seconds that command us, you ask as if the question just occured to you, how can a little girl like you have so much? and i laugh and say that my body was made too small to contain the normal amount.

no, not too small, not too small, just right for the taking, let me arrange you on this bed again, before the city goes under, and i'm leaving on a jet plane, i don't know when i'll be back again.

we move as a patchwork night watches us, hand over mouth, through an open window. i sleep, afterwards, naked and oblivious, as if you would always be there to ward off a cruel world and then wake me up for breakfast.

Monday, January 09, 2006

sojournoir

and she emerged right behind another's shadow

Monday, January 02, 2006

non sequitur: day five

where the end was a long time coming but it comes anyway

the window is big enough. there's a ledge, too, which i believe, has had too many dalliances with the designated jumpers of our time. today, the ghost of a recently concluded memory sits there and i am coaxing him to come back in. he is beautiful. too beautiful. and i am not suspicious enough.

i'm reaching out to him. "come back in, ghost of a recently concluded memory. it's cold out." he is as hazy as a once-upon-a-time sea. and i am the rock he once threw himself against over and over until he was bruised with fragile obsession.

he looks at my hand. then into my eyes. "if i come back in, will you lead me to that bed and take me?" his voice catches. it has the tone of desperation. i invented that tone. it's mine.

no is a two-letter interjection used to indicate a negative response. what part of no is so difficult to understand? it escapes me. but not him.

he hangs his head. one of his buttons is in the wrong buttonhole. to love is to fall victim to folly.

"if you can't take me back, let me go." hot damn. the ghost of a recently concluded memory had a way with words that i would never have.

suddenly, like that august season, he fell gently, along with a whim of wind. whim sounds like an old forty-five playing on a bad phonograph.

i can't help but look over the edge. i see him on the ground, lying in pieces of forgotten warmth and unfulfilled desire. a young girl on a bicycle stops and starts to pick them up, one by one. everyday, all over the world, resolutions are broken. it's tradition, you see. it's tradition to fall victim to folly.

i could have just pushed him, i know. but brave deeds require much, much more of me.

the sky outside reflects who i am at the moment—partly cloudy, or overcast, with a hint of rain. at exactly two o' clock, the world will close in on me. and the end that was almost definitely the end will be a beginning.

the bed invites with a poker face to come play. i shed some skin and pull the sheets all the way to my soul. it will be touch and go for while.

2007-05-30T00:24:00.001-07:00

Sunday, January 29, 2006

timeintotime

| o^o |69 kph |

69 Comments

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transience said...

for you, carl. you had me at, "you're drifting. get a hold, beautiful writer."

9:18 PM

TripleSix said...

it's so beautiful...

if only it was as beautiful in the real world,than to see the ugliest side of the beauty in real..

if only...if only...

12:06 AM

jeremy said...

i've found that, more often than not, hentai leads to paper cuts.

12:25 AM

JohnB said...

I can "walk", meld into walls, out of the wind, slosh around buzzed, wrestle with threads of the music emanating through the prodigious reaches...but never will I get her out of my mind...you have this way of reaching into memory hidden away purposefully and drawing it out, the droves of it come and overwhelm.

12:53 AM

timeintotime said...

Ah. Sails back up I see.

And your movement through the water is majestic.

: )

12:58 AM

camera shy said...

i might die

a little bit

each time

i think of

this

1:24 AM

missy said...

she gave you that book on abstract paintings, too. but then, come to think of it, she never really knew how to move you.

I like this one. Can I keep it?

2:02 AM

EsotericWombat said...

Damn, tran. When do I get to read your book?

2:07 AM

car@ said...

such a precious post Trans! anything i could say would not be enough.... ma belle!!! ;-*

4:03 AM

Kathleen said...

i think other people have asked you this before... but are you planning on writing a book sometime?

5:11 AM

Sarah said...

i live at the airport some days.

reliving the day i first met that one. took him home. it was nothing short of magic. why is it that something so torturously beautiful always has such a sad ending?

5:18 AM

mrsmogul said...

Okay don't freak out but there are TWO Bunnies gathering dust behind my couch! They are stuffed and given to me by my husband's sister in law!

8:04 AM

anonant said...

I remember those butterflies flying around in my heart when I would revisit places and things shared with one no longer present.
The blue suicide poem is so strong an image thst it nails melancholy to his soul.
I would, were I him, leave a notch in the bench every day until she showed or the bench disappeared from my whittling. I would take the benches disappearance as a sign to get over it.
This is really nice stuff Trans.

Where the blues
stroke our hearts
we pay our dues
and create arts

ok it atleast ryhmes
peace

11:52 AM

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

to be so beautiful and then the realization

kudos dear tran

1:30 PM

Ivar said...

it doesn't always end badly, sarah...

yeah, this one did all my senses. speechless. thankyou, little t.

3:45 PM

snst_blvd said...

i feel nostalgic for some weird reason...

6:12 PM

Cocaine Jesus said...

so then, i find you creating yet another work of brilliance when in point of fact you should be chained to your PC writing words for the erotic site.
hmmm, must make a note to speak to our boss about this.

very beautiful this trans and strangely in tune with the blog pulse.

7:40 PM

claudzki said...

wow, that was good!

i really felt for the guy...
hentai. really. :D

8:05 PM

trine said...

transience, i think carl is right. drift, but only with the snow. the snow settles too, and creates beautiful scenery, new images and wonderful stories.

I know this sounds lame, but get yourself a book deal, girl!

8:29 PM

jey said...

i must agree with you, dear. the world is indeed small.

and yet, the possibilities are endless.

9:10 PM

Capegirl said...

harem chicks do it at bus stops...i'm just saying..

9:51 PM

Carrie said...

i'd stop the world and melt with you.....

11:54 PM

Corsarius said...

softly electric. it's an understatement, mind you. softly electric.

hentai, eh? oh, you always say the things which tickle my fancy.

2:00 AM

Simple American said...

I'm more scared the bus arrives.
My shouts to an end, or beginning.

A loss most indefinite.
Leave the ones that are dear.
Only to find new pain.
No hope for me now.
Ease away to oblivion.

3:22 AM

Icylyrics said...

'she never knew how to move me'

even if my animosity
struck a pose
indifference it would wear
'be' cause this beauty
that resides inside me
Picasso only dreamt of capturing'

Icy

Transience, You are that beauty if ya didn't already know. Your words are like a trip to the South Pacific on a cool spring day.

8:28 AM

boudica of suburbia said...

that was quietly powerful. I've always known it was better to have never loved. than loved and lost.

xxB

9:38 AM

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of something a friend had written long ago: maybe you'll like it.

http://aimlesswanderer.livejournal.com/40043.html

Sonali

11:06 AM

illimitable voices said...

i like the idea of a bus station. such places are transient places with people at neither their origins nor their destinations. bus stations are spaces of "in between" and middle worlds of existance.

1:01 PM

Zofo The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts said...

it looks like the person is a man...oh your comment elucidates it... anyways nice.. and thanks for your comments on my blog..appreciate it.c
cheers
z

1:47 PM

Benjamin said...

'that lovely blue suicide poem'... hit the switch, trans, thats cool. i like how your stuff is puzzling and ambiguous and changes with each reading. good work. it got me down, an instant before i realised i had no fags and no money and walked into the boiler. should call anya etc easy x

6:21 PM

bert moth said...

There's a tranquil, dream-like quality to this work. She never knew how to move him, but made a powerful impression... She was doing something right...

10:29 PM

Ashes said...

sometimes when I visit your blog,I feel like you'd make a wonderful girlfried.Don't get me wrong,not hitting on you..but the sublime quality in your writing is deeply attractive.A reminder of my trippy days..in a good way.

and yeah I always feel refreshed whenever I come here.Thanks.

11:00 PM

Jay said...

You write beautifully about the ugliest thing most people ever experience.

4:34 AM

Funky Fresh Freddie said...

You just introduced me to Kandinsky. I will now be up all night reading every website on the net about the dude.

Thank you!

9:31 AM

Maja said...

Whoa! The end of that story came as a shock to me, yet it was appropriate. And sad.

10:15 AM

Lorena said...

you definitely know how to move me with this writing!!!! aahhh so bittersweet. so honest and raw. this was beautiful. i wish i could follow this stranger as he goes on living with this ghost.
amazing girl!!

1:20 PM

christo furious said...

whew. rad!

1:27 PM

monsterspank said...

the bus, it was what color baby?

2:15 PM

Gangadhar said...

really a fantastic post from your side..dat's all i can say..

Btw i'm just looking at your profile pic for a couple of mints..it's awesome!!

take care

3:33 PM

Kabooke Quantum Fighter said...

this website makes me feel like i'm in narnia...again. you kind of remind of salman rushdie style writing.

bjork rules. infact anyway with a silent jay in their name is badass.

4:22 PM

bismuth said...

kandinsky. he makes me smile. i remember he was yours and dali was mine. both whimsical intellectuals. damn those men, they make us write about bus stops and pit stops and moving on too fast and too soon with sob stories in our backpacks, well, a swinging purse in your case. men, and their oil on canvass romancing.

5:26 PM

Aiden Witmore said...

i think we all hate when ______ happens.

11:40 PM

Ben said...

Jackie left on a cold, dark night
Telling me he'd be home
Sailed the seas for a hundred years
Leaving me all alone
And I've been dead for twenty years
I've been washing the sand
With my ghostly tears
Searching the shores for my Jackie-oh

Jackie, Sinead O'Connor

Nice work T.

Cheers.

11:47 PM

Kerouaced said...

Nice work. Very poetic...

2:03 AM

kari said...

I rarely have the words to describe how your writing makes me feel. Beautiful.

7:04 AM

Abaniko said...

As usual, I'm awed I don't know what to say. :)

7:28 AM

CT said...

I just love the Kandinksy! One more reason to keep dropping by here.

7:51 AM

Kunstemæcker said...

You've outdone yourself with this post Transience. Congrats.

3:58 PM

Frap Gurl said...

Thank you for this.. I don't feel alone anymore! These words are worth more than ten years of therapy to me! I worship you Transience!

5:28 PM

rhein said...

beautiful writing.

10:19 PM

Perfect Virgo said...

Do many people write about early morning thoughts? No T, still fewer people begin to think them until later in the day. We know what they're missing.

It's a while since I had a "big-ass" for breakfast!

10:54 PM

protagoras said...

Three-quarters round, 6 times before found.

Kandinsky or Klee, wherefore art thee.

Night falls as blue suicide.
Clock's pleated cloak as Guggentide.

7:31 AM

King of Space said...

Trans, can I get your password to wipe out the comments of these damn spammers that leave comments?

11:15 AM

ie said...

everywhere's a bus stop when you're willing to wait.

3:37 PM

Blog ho said...

lovely lovely

3:08 AM

Faltenin said...

Beautiful stuff.

I'll probably have to go think about it, then return later tonight and creep up on it sideways, surprise the hidden meanings and grasp those gems that lurk between the lines.

8:58 PM

gusgreeper said...

i really loved this.

2:14 PM

Blue Athena said...

Never a dull moment reading your words Trans. :))

6:22 PM

Pincushion said...

..such a pleasure to be soaked back into the dark molasses of your words..
sigh..!

1:19 AM

Sk8RN said...

Wow. Beautiful. I'm not sure there are words to describe... how moved I am by this post.

2:26 AM

Brighter Death said...

Seriously, you should consider publishing a collection of short stories. I do not think this is the first time that you have received such encouragement, but you really should consider..

3:27 AM

RuKsaK said...

I have a Kandinsky print on my wall - an early era one - it reminds me of something.

6:05 PM

Spicy Cauldron said...

I wish we could see the world with such attention to detail and beauty and pathos and drama, every single minute of every single day. But we can't. And so we make do with our regular fix of you, a marvellous addiction indeed. Too much, we'd overdose but you manage to feed us just enough happy and inspiring and thoughtful to keep us going. This was another wonderful piece. x

7:29 PM

hera said...

once again, caught up in this anime picture of bold strokes and swift flowing lines, and big blue pools for the hero's silent eyes. i love this.

hentai fascinates me too.

7:40 PM

EGO SVM CAROLVS said...

Fascinating! :]

2:42 AM

You've Got What I Need... said...

There's something beautifully terrifing about all this.

5:59 AM

john said...

wonderful as ever, trans.

i'd have to admit i'm not keeping my end up of this SMS-ing, YM-ing, email-ing, blog comment-ing thing that we have, and i am ashamed of it.

just so i don't bore you with my excuses, i'll really try to find time to SMS you again, and set up those coffee cups that never became.

i am around. now.
so i'll catch you later.

9:55 AM

Carrie said...

YA BABY!!!

9:50 AM

transience said...

i agree i've been absent in more ways than one. but i really do want to thank you all for pedaling up and leaving such insightful commentary. this entry is more a work of fiction than anything, but a few things, like the hentai, eternal autumn, beautiful strangers and kandinsky are all fascinations of mine. not that i can put any of those in my resumé, but there you go.

triplesix >> if onlys can be so beautiful and so damn frustrating.

jeremy >> you're not doing it correctly, then. here...lemme show you...

johnb >> me and my memories are intimate strangers. i suppose that's why i can let them in through my front door.

timeintotime >> look, everybody! it's carl!

and to you, my dear. i've no words to thank you.

blog this >> i totally understand.

n. missy >> my gift to you. =)

esotericwombat >> the pressure!

car@ >> *kisses*

kathleen >> it's in the works. but that's where it always stays, sadly. i know, i know. i need to step up. i'm getting there...watch me.

sarah >> because there are no happy endings.

mrsmogul >> LOL! really? how often does that even happen?

anonant >> you've described such painful melancholy, dear. that's the stuff poetry is made of, i hear.

alice: in wonderland or not >> you are sweetness itself. thank you.

ivar >> i like being your little everything. just saying.

sunset eyes >> don't we all? i think it's this month's affliction. heh. how are you, lil sis?

cocaine jesus >> i'm so sorry. i'm a horrible erotic writer. i have an excuse, though. some itch inside me seems to be missing, and without it, i can't be erotic. it's true. i've been looking under my bed forever for the missing itch.

claudzki >> i felt for him. and maybe for the girl, too. two people who knew nothing about the love they could give each other. and yes, hentai. definitely hentai.

trine >> you're not lame, honey. i am. and these days are my worst. but i appreciate your support. you must know that.

jey >> hell. i second that.

capegirl >> we definitely do.

mitzzee >> i'd whisk you away to my little island paradise.

corsarius >> so. which hentai tickles your fancy? =)

simple american >> ouch.

icylyrics >> that was fantastic. do that to me again, please.

b >> we're modern girls at heart. we are, we are. now pass me a chocolate bar for the pain.

sonali >> i liked it! it does read similarly, doesn't it? i appreciate the drive-by. take care.

illimitable voices >> i never thought of it that way. it's brilliant. the idea could inspire a totally different piece.

zofo >> yes, he's a man who has no idea. no idea.

benjamin >> you're back! ohmigod. i've missed you. pedal up again and i'll give you anya's number.

Ô¿Ô >> maybe he liked dali. i haven't worked that part out yet.

ashes >> thank you, dear. that was sweet and flattering of you to say. i would never get you wrong, you know.

miss jay >> wow. your words hit me spot on. thanks.

funky fresh freddie >> me love me some kandinsky. you're welcome. you're my bloke now.

maja >> nowadays, sadness always seems appropriate.

lorena >> some of us walk around ghosts without even knowing it. my schedule is monday. i'm always dead on a monday.

chris >> awesomerad, you mean. do it right. =)

monster spank >> what did you want it to be, sweetie?

gangadhar >> thanks on both.

guns'n'baddus >> hello, newcomer! everything you said tickles me. narnia, rushdie, bjork, badass. you just sang me a love song, you know.

bismuth >> we need to fucking meet.

violent haze >> so true.

ben >> how appropriate that was.

kerouaced >> mmmm. poetic.

kari >> your reaction leaves me in shivers, though. so the words are just icing. thank you, dear.

abaniko >> that's okay. we're still buddies.

ct >> i love him, too! but he was mine first, mind you.

kunstemaecker >> do i get a prize?

frap gurl >> and i you, sweet one.

rhein >> you're very kind. come by again, soon. i'd like that.

perfect virgo >> we do know, don't we? and if you ever come by the equator, your big-ass breakfast is on me.

protagoras >> that was a lovely play on words. refreshing commentary, as always. you should write again.

king of space >> no worries. i've wiped him out. but your territorial tendencies leave me breathless.

nizoral >> i fucking love that line. can i keep it?

blog ho >> you, too, times 42.

faltenin >> i hear that's the best way to catch certain things unawares. thanks for dropping by. it's always nice to meet new people going up north.

gusgreeper >> thanks, dearest.

blue athena >> i think i said the same thing to you! oooohhh, mutual love society! i adore it. =)

picushion >> mmmmmmmolasses.

Sk8RN >> you being here is enough for me.

brighter death >> no, it's not the first time. but i do appreciate all the encouragement.

RuKsaK >> a hamburger?

spicy cauldron >> why, oh, why does everything you say touch me so much? thanks, andy. you've lifted my spirits.

hera >> a kindred spirit. awesome.

carolvs >> thanks!

ygwin >> you know what? you could be right.

john >> shush. no excuses. just show me the money.

heh.

seriously, i missed you, too. anytime, you're free, bubba, i'm here.

mitzzee again >> i love you. you make me smile and laugh and cry and smile again.

11:22 AM

2007-05-30T00:14:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

you make me feel like i wanna be a dumb blonde in a centerfold

| o^o |67 kph |

67 Comments

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Carrie said...

BOO YAH !!!

I'm FIRST FIRST FIRST! YA BABY!

and to such a HOT HOT HOT POST...oh Trans be still my girlish heart girl, cause YOU RULE THE WORLD BABY! "we're NOT worthY"

9:48 AM

J41M3 said...

Gorgeous and Amazing, as always, Trans. You make me feel like I wanna be in a different town, sleeping in a different bed...

10:50 AM

jeremy said...

::like bunnies. let's do it like bunnies.::

Way to spoil Easter. Or, you know, make it sexy. Either way.

And those aren't my clothes.

11:51 AM

transience said...

mitzzee >> no, YOU rule. it's mitz that makes the world go ooh la la, you know. and i'm so happy you're first place. now i have every earthly right to hang on to your skirts. you've been warned.

jaime >> mmmm. that's nice. desire calls out to us in different ways.

jeremy >> to spoil or sexify? it's all in the species of rabbit.

as for the clothes, they could be yours if you pretend hard enough.

12:16 PM

naridu said...

oh can I play too?

Pretend I'm a man pretending to be of the clothes that I pretend you are wearing when we all pretend to pretend so hard and soft and hard hard hard.

"i want you too much to actually want to think straight." - and it is all so very very real.

love your words as always.

12:28 PM

claudzki said...

"i've always played good pretend, but lately, it just isn't as fun anymore."

haha...pretending was never my game :D

1:01 PM

De.vile said...

Like bunnies? Reminds me of a game I tought my 10 year old cousin. *grins*

3:13 PM

Cocaine Jesus said...

love is the funkiest fun. i know. i've been loving the same wonderful woman now since she was a gorgeous girl.
beautifuly captured here for us to witness in all its glory.

6:13 PM

transience said...

naridu >> good lord. there must be something seriously wrong with me, sweetie, because i found your little pretend-game kinda hot. egh.

claudzki >> not even faerie-pretend?

de.vile >> what game? teach me. i want to play, too.

cocaine jesus >> she's a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky lass.

6:32 PM

Jay said...

Not prettified?
Prettified is overrated.
Sometimes raw is best.

8:45 PM

trine said...

it's only real love if it hurts real bad right?
i cried for a year when i met david, i couldn't work him out nor get him to understand me. it was, needless to say, worth the battle....

9:37 PM

Simple American said...

"prettified" is so Firefly/Serenity. Perhaps you're an ambassador words.

Though I admit I was hoping for phone sex.

1:31 AM

Sarah said...

(exhale)

it made me hold my breath..

5:22 AM

Roger Stevens said...

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh

Some sexy blogs going down. Is this love or is it... confusion... dah dah dah dah... nah, not confusion - sorry, just wandering off into a Hendrix song.

So pleased to hear things are going well. It's all there in the text.

Hugs.

6:43 AM

sirbarrett said...

Tres sensual, mon cheri. It makes me sigh longly. These are words to come back to and savour, and think about idly while they are away, like you do with your significant other, in something you don't necessarily contemplate as love, but which is more than enough in and of itself.

8:19 AM

boudica of suburbia said...

That was like a warm bath in milk and honey. It washed over me so prettily.

xxB

8:32 AM

sal said...

God, I think I'm falling... falling in love with you... already...

9:06 AM

bert moth said...

Emotional confusion, as Gary Busey would say, is running backwards, naked through a cornfield at midnight. Not that I'm comparing your words to Busey's. Or calling your protagonist emotionally confused... I'm rambling.

Palpitating writing, as usual, trans.

10:07 AM

jey said...

reading this perked me up.

dear, you really have a way with words.

carry on...

carry on...

10:11 AM

transience said...

miss jay >> and i think it works best with what i'm feeling right now.

trine >> it is worth the battle. and for you and david, i believe it shows.

simple american >> i suppose i have to be named an ambassador to actually be one, eh? i don't think i'm that fortunate. and phone sex is pretend, too, doll.

sarah >> i'll take you down gently. i promise.

roger >> hi, sweetie. things are going well, thanks. and my kudos to you for screwing up my comment page layout--at least in IE. heh.

sirbarrett >> that was beautifully put. i shall use your words as a coverlet tonight.

b >> i hope it had some moisturizing benefits, too. a girl can never have enough of those.

the woman >> how lovely of you to say. i only wish i could read you.

Ô¿Ô >> it's that kind of perspective that gives an emotional tilt to things. i appreciate it. and btw, no protagonist here. just little ole me.

jey >> i'll ride this rollercoaster as long as i can without hurling.

10:29 AM

JohnB said...

You render the sensations to its purest form...love is a scorpion's sting, white hot pain followed by the rush of sweet endorphins.

11:09 AM

Jacs said...

*let's do it like bunnies.

It doesn't get more provocative than that. Bless ye.

12:31 PM

missy said...

The most fun way to do it is doing it like bunnies... all night long.

1:18 PM

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

i never thought it was worth the battle.............................until i read you dear tran ..................and then...........................all things go into reconsideration mode.

1:45 PM

anonant said...

Breaking together into shiny pieces
expansion, a singular infinity.
once in a great while the sublime meets with us and through us speaks, a few words can move the universe, heart, or the furniture. :)

Trans you keep doing it!

It is a wonderous thing
this drive to hunger hold
it brings a greater meaning
to this simple world
to make a baby fun time
hungry kisses, sweat and smiles
moving towards that climax climb
ecstatic happy exhausting miles

My goodness you are in heat.
Very nice, I began to sweat the moment I started reading.
peace

1:59 PM

Zofo The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts said...

Desire, overwhelming..desire...all I want is you, all I can think about is you... brilliant.
cheers
z

2:08 PM

forgottenmachine said...

I'm hijacking Valentine's Day.

We're going to break it down 'til there's nothing left but tiny, buzzing molecules.

And then we're going to rebuild, reinvent, overhaul, recondition.

And you seem to have just the understanding we're looking for.

Interested?

2:37 PM

jey said...

your are a brave spirit.

2:56 PM

Ben said...

That sounds dangerous... then again there's nothing more exciting in Life than cutting to the quick.

Cheers T.

3:38 PM

car@ said...

Your sexiness in my restitute makes me wanna cook my favorite recipe
and place it on your table, Transiiii!
Your in-toxic ting and so DIVINE
You're the kind that stays on a sista's mind! [andthatpieceofsongdescribesyousoWELL!]

;-) Love to you!

7:25 PM

capegirl said...

i feel that there is a place halfway between a dive into happiness and a long-abused sadness where it is hard to breathe...maybe being a centrefold isn't half bad..it's somewhere in the middle?

8:23 PM

Prmod Bafna said...

Its just wonderful how you express!
"i want us to break into being together, rilke-style, into tiny, shiny pieces. then maybe we could clean up the glorious mess and do it all over again."

When you have your way with words.. all else is bound to follow!
Great rendition of that loving feeling!

8:29 PM

RuKsaK said...

sizzling -totally. Can't believe I didn't see it before but the Anais Nin parallel must have been drawn with your writing before. She also wrote such exquistely sensuous lines, simple, vulgarly-tinged eloquences - absolutely, utterly charged.

10:02 PM

RuKsaK said...

And, forgive my pretentiousness, but I mean this:
You're writing is like skin.

10:02 PM

RuKsaK said...

PS -what Anais Nin wrote about Henry Miller's sperm is one of my all-time favourite lines.

10:03 PM

monsterspank said...

i dont know what to say but i'm almost sure that the information is too much but nearly lacking? If only you left me more clues. but yes, all is well, i suppose.

10:39 PM

timeintotime said...

"no prettified words"

Words spoken straight from the heart may not be prettified, but they are certainly the prettiest.

11:12 PM

Ivar said...

bunnies bunnies bunnies bunnies bunnies!!!!!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

8:49 AM

Maja said...

I feel a little out of breath and heavy in the chest now, thanks :)

9:34 AM

MaidenFlight said...

i like this post, dearie. tis sweet and strong like raw honey.

4:40 PM

dr.v (Not a narcotic Pez dispenser) said...

ah centerfold......have wanted to be one for him....but my fantasies don't involve me being a blonde....i'm always one fuckin hot brunette ;)

6:48 PM

Lorena said...

WOW, i envy the passion that you feel in this piece!! and great closing lines. sexy! :)

12:22 AM

ie said...

sometimes, i also want to be that cute sexy abercrombie and fitch underwear model.

but then again, me and him could always pretend.

3:14 AM

Tim said...

You Goddess, you!!!!

5:28 AM

SafeTinspector said...

When you said "rilke-style" I read "nike-style"
I was then hopelessly lost, as I couldn't get sneakers to jibe with the rest of the content!
Urrr...

5:34 AM

alix said...

now i must go pop in that CD!
trans, you make valentine's day still hold some appeal.
i'd tell you have a happy one...but i think you already did, love. ;)

9:01 AM

finnegan said...

Arrgh! I finally have time to put down some comments, but you've disabled me.

But I was able to get into this one and get all horny.

Now for the cold shower...

Miss you, Trans.

7:04 PM

mussolini said...

who are you talking about?

9:58 PM

Li'l Light said...

i wanna see how bunnies do it! ^__^

that was a great way to deconstruct love. when are you writing that book?

10:17 PM

Prat said...

Hi Princess from erotic land!
How I have missed reading you.
Your man is incredibly lucky to be handling such hot stuff.
May he find endless energy to keep you smiling like you swallowed a clothes hanger :D

1:24 AM

An international escort's luxury travel blog. said...

You are such a sensual being dear lady. And I embrace your words. The most powerful drug!

4:22 AM

transience said...

johnb >> that reads like a song.

jacs >> i need as much of heaven's grace as i can get. thanks.

missy >> amen to that.

alice: in wonderland or not >> i may have been taking my role as devil's advocate too seriously. or maybe the cheshire cat got my tongue and replaced it with some other tool for blather. forgive me?

anonant >> LOL! that was entertaining commentary. in heat, indeed.

zofo >> raw. yeah.

forgottenmachine >> you had me at the first line. i'd die for you, yeah, that's how interested i am.

jey >> and a fool on tuesdays, too.

ben >> dangerous? more disingenuous, i think. but i'll take that as a compliment.

car@ >> [doweplaybracketsty-stylenow?]

capegirl >> being in a centerfold is definitely in the middle.

xfreakx >> you're here! thanks, honey.

RuKsaK >> you honor me. thrice. how do you say that in russian?

monster spank >> i would have to get back to you on that. we need to talk.

timeintotime >> right now, i would have to agree.

ivar >> come to think of it, i've no bunny costumes to speak of.

maja >> cpr, anyone? hee.

maidenflight >> aawww. thanks. but i already expressed my gratefulness for your kind words in person.

dr.vodka >> i'm sure you make a killing, sweetie.

lorena >> damn, lady. you kill me. you really do. =)

nizoral >> hahaha! and he would pretend to be what?

tim >> mmmmmm.

safetinspector >> that happens to me, too! funny. you think it's catching?

alix >> valentine's day sucks. but i'm all for feeling the love.

every.
damn.
day.

finnegan >> sorry, honey. i wanted to stop at 69. it's much naughtier that way. i hope the shower was good. and yes, i missed you, too. you've been away too long. but then, so have i.

mussolini >> santa claus. i abuse childhood miscreants that way.

li'l light >> aren't you too young to see how that's done? heh. as for the book...erm...uh...let my agent call your agent.

prat >> smiling like i swallowed a clothes hanger. ohmigod, that was such awesome imagery. i was giggling for, like, two minutes.

kathleen glyde >> not as sensual as you, though, dear.

6:56 PM

jey said...

i must have myself transferred to that tuesday class. i take it every monday and i don't like mondays.

8:26 AM

transience said...

i could always do with a friendly face, honey. all aboard.

11:31 AM

Li'l Light said...

no, i'm not! Ü

12:02 PM

transience said...

oh, alright. my li'l light isn't so li'l anymore.

12:06 PM

jey said...

classmates?

2:54 PM

transience said...

not just that. seatmates, even.

3:02 PM

jey said...

woohoo!

4:26 PM

john said...

ok. uhmmm, you may have, in actuality, changed my mind about bunnies.

hahaha. funnysexy stuff trans.

you rock.

(that was so... errr... not me. "you rock."?!?!?!?)

5:51 PM

JohnB said...

Thanks Trans...incidently I have experienced both, quite literally.

12:17 AM

transience said...

jey >> woohoo! and remember, there's no sugar. LOL!

john >> go get a coffee, dear. you'll feel better.

johnb >> what a fortunate girl that was.

9:49 AM

yvaine said...

Transience, you are one sensual lady!

And I love that Paula Cole song. It gets me into the mood too. I've never lap-danced to it though.

2:20 PM

jey said...

just as long as you keep the caffeine flowing, dear.=)

2:26 PM

transience said...

yvaine >> thanks, sweetie! and you should really try lap-dancing to it. it burns MAJOR calories, especially if you adore the one you're lap-dancing for.

jey >> it's on me, babe. it's on me.

3:37 PM

jey said...

i'll take your word for that, dear.

and wherever you are going, i hope you have fun.

just spare me some, okei?

2:27 PM

transience said...

i will.

6:19 PM

2007-05-21T17:21:00.000-07:00

Crush all meaning into oblivion

By monster spank

there was a conversation, an exchange of emails.
mobile calls. what was said, forgotten.
to not speak aches. inward stares require specs
installed behind the eyeballs. external blankness
must not reflect internal content. all lines are down.
mental roadblocks dominate the route to salvation.
look no further, the solution escapes... all of me.

Posted on: Thu, Jul 14 2005 10:24 PM

the big O

2007-05-19T01:37:00.000-07:00

the big O

for your indulgence

2007-05-16T00:49:00.001-07:00

Photobucket Album

2007-05-10T02:16:00.001-07:00

2007-05-10T02:15:00.000-07:00

2007-05-10T01:43:00.000-07:00

Sunday, January 23, 2005
the constructs of mating

i wasn't some doxy from the wharves. but when i woke up cold, naked under the sheets, with the thermostat on too low and an empty, mocking space beside me, female indignation kicked in. why in hell would he leave when we were having so much fun? okay, so i was dead to the world and maybe not that much fun at all, but i would have appreciated a warning.

i bolted upright and tried to get out of bed, fumbling as my legs got caught in a tangle of every imaginable fabric—cotton, chiffon, silk, denim, lace, more cotton. i was ready to leave no stone unturned if that was what it took for me to get my hands on his little escapist self.

and then i saw him.

his back was to the window at the end of the room. his posture was relaxed, his face free from the ravages of worry, his head encircled with a shimmering halo of sunlight, his hand holding his...

HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW.

i suppose he was indulging in some twisted sort of intellectual masturbation. but still, he had left my side for a book. on any other day, i would have been oddly touched, since he's not (and i am) one of those people who'd take a book with them on the proverbial deserted island. but the fact that he had jumped ship to get it on with some drab, disconsolate, university-fellating doodad instead of, say, machiavelli or achebe made me sting a little. just a little.

by then, my mind was reeling from a hundred episodes of retribution. and i was so ready to launch a full-scale, vindication-driven assault in response to the little stunt he pulled. but before i could pursue the first stage of my brilliant attack plan, he looked up, smiled and said, "hello, love." and then i melted.

so today, i know that i am in way over my head. i was testy and hormonal, yet i still dissolved into a puddle of need after waking up to find him reading HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW instead of keeping me toasty.

i also know that i will let this incident slide. but i am not enough of a ninnyhammer to let him go on thinking that i am too forgiving. in the future, i will make sure i go to wharton just to annoy him.

but for now, i'll get back to bed and give him that urgent look. the one that says: hello. boy. me. naked. cold. come. here. now.

i rode north at 9:51 PM
36 kph

rolly pedaled up to say...

Once again, I am tagging (got the right word this time) along and am enjoying the ride very much.

I'm sure by this time, you already know that you spoke too soon. He was reading because he didn't want to wake you up, out of respect for your peaceful sleep. To appease his libido, (who wouldn't be turned on with a naked body beside him?) he had to read and keep his mind off that until such time as when you're ready.

That was some look you gave. I can't passon a message like that. That is if I was sensitive enough to read the message. Sometimes, guys have to be told, you see.
3:55 AM
Blex pedaled up to say...

I leave the bed only to prepare breakfast.
4:40 AM
ennui pedaled up to say...

Gosh transience it just crossed my mind how much different our friendship would've been had there been blogs back in college. I'm gettin a headache just trying to imagine.
4:47 AM
Jay pedaled up to say...

I'm glad to hear it made you melt, because it made me melt, and I'm all the way over here!!
I hope the look rewarded you!!
9:41 AM
JErm pedaled up to say...

i'd get myself a dog, guys can be morons sometimes. if i were him, i'd lie there and watch you sleep. it's like being in heaven, only heaven can't be as real! ;)

you remind me so much of an ex-girlfriend. i was the moron back then leaving her in bed. cold. while i checked my mail and chat with my clients online.

fuckers we are!
2:16 PM
Stan pedaled up to say...

It would be nice to believe in Rolly's description.
3:24 PM
wala pedaled up to say...

i would assume he immediately dropped the paper and in one mighty leap landed right next to you, immediately enveloping you in is warm embrace, legs intertwining with yours, etc etc etc.
forgive me, i am jealous.
3:50 PM
transience pedaled up to say...

rolly >> hmm. that's an interesting account from the male point of view, heh. as for the look, there are only two that i send out with amazing clarity: my come-hitherlook and my back-off-i-could-kill-you look. i already know which one you'd choose.

blex >> sometimes, i can go without breakfast. if only to stay a few extra minutes under the covers.

ennui >> if there had been blogs back in college, i would have changed your mind. and don't ask me about what.

jay >> oh, the look definitely rewarded me. and boy, do you need melting. all that snow in canada, if you know what i mean.

JErm >> hush. you already know what i feel about this.

stan >> i agree.

monsterspank >> you say that now. you haven't seen my back-off-i-could-kill-you look. =)
3:59 PM
claudzki pedaled up to say...

LOVE this post!!!

would love to see a post on your "full-scale, vindication-driven assault" :D
4:08 PM
ennui pedaled up to say...

Oh but you had ...
4:55 PM
rain pedaled up to say...

hello, lovethose two words are traitors to any strategic attack for vindicating one's self. but i'd hafta say that might actually be a fortunate thing. :)

ps-the trans-ennui exchange has gotten me highly intrigued... *evil grin*
5:04 PM
fish fish pedaled up to say...

Kekeke... interesting.
5:24 PM
JErm pedaled up to say...

*shuts mouth*
6:48 PM
ninjato pedaled up to say...

Would it be wrong to say that I am slightly amused by this? (although I would also be probably be burning in hell by now, for making it this far, but that's besides the point isn't it?)

By the way Rain, intrigued is not the word I would use lol
3:55 AM
mussolini pedaled up to say...

transience and ennui > three years after college and i still am your biggest fan :) i believe in the open-endedness of all things that involve the both of you.
8:30 AM
ennui pedaled up to say...

mussolini - Bless you child for your faith ;P
8:45 AM
mussolini pedaled up to say...

ennui > harharhar. those roman catholic gods have blessed me for so much less. :)
9:00 AM
Kathleen pedaled up to say...

and then i melted.some people have a way with that don't they...
9:06 AM
transience pedaled up to say...

claudzki >> thanks! i shall try to post about one of my "episodes." but i have to get rid of the fuzzy feeling first.

ennui >> really? i doubt it.

rain >> ennui and i are, erm, complicated. trust me on that. as for your last post, i found it hilarious that you, ennui and blex would gang up on me. on the topic of being god even. evil children of the corn. +D

final note: i'm so glad you're alright.

fish fish >> interesting name. thanks for dropping a line.

JErm >> good boy.

ninjato >> ooh, but you would be amused (burn in hell, burn in hell!). i'm sort of embarrassed now that you've acknowledged what i've written on here, but then i firmly believe that i should have no regrets. as for "intrigued," well, you would know the story, wouldn't you. god, you are so bad. haha!

mussolini >> shuddupuckup. your word.

ennui >> there you go again.

mussolini again >> not if givenchy and hermes had anything to say about it.

kathleen >> that they do. oh, yes. and i'm sure you know what i'm talking about.

to everyone else who knows what i am talking about >> i'm coining a new word: transennui.

tran·sen·nui, n the state of being that inspires intrigue despite the lack of any clandestine elements. ha.
9:29 AM
small squirrel pedaled up to say...

(out of breath...heaving)
I'm late....

OK so I am clearly missing a bunch of stuff :)

But let me say this... my ex used to leave me alone in a cold bed... not for anything as heady as the harvard business review. oh no. my ass was left to ponder the whys cause he was off watching... MOTOR WEEK!

And though I love him, he wouldn't know Achebe from Machiavelli! Count your blessings, my girl! Hee!((Awwwwwwwww.... :) ))
9:48 AM
rain pedaled up to say...

ninjato - okay, so what's a better word? how about discombobulating? :p

trans - can't help it. i'm a curious cat. transennui is a good word. very apt definition as well. (oh, and thanks for the concern, sweetie.)
2:05 PM
transience pedaled up to say...

squirrel >> no worries. you're on time. it's just funny how comments can go off tangent, you know. and yes, i am counting my blessings. though i understand the male preoccupation with cars. the other day, after some, erm, action, we watched in contentment the shelby cobra special on discovery channel. that was great. but i don't dig the sports shows. no, i could never get that.

rain >> curious, curious. and no, my friends should never get sick.
2:26 PM
CAROLVS pedaled up to say...

I always say when I'm getting out of bed. I think it's personal courtesy, even if to just nudge my partner lightly from slumber.
2:42 PM
transience pedaled up to say...

that's very conscientious, carolvs. i like that. =)
3:27 PM
wala pedaled up to say...

i'd say transpank... and here I thought you were discussing the constructs of mating ...
5:00 PM
transience pedaled up to say...

well, don't get your knickers in a twist, spank. the last time i checked, we weren't mating. =)
5:21 PM
wala pedaled up to say...

would you have wanted to ... get my knickers in a twist? =)
5:46 PM
transience pedaled up to say...

what a question. what do you think?
5:56 PM
wala pedaled up to say...

gorgeous
7:14 PM
ninjato pedaled up to say...

transennui - Oy...we should have coffee again soon...'nuff said =)

Rain - don't get me wrong, it's not your use of word that I am against =), I'm just saying that's not the word I would use to describe that particular pandora's box
9:25 PM
jason pedaled up to say...

oh, lighten up. a man's got to always stay on top of the best ways to defraud foreign governments.
11:42 PM
ninjato pedaled up to say...

okay...will try to keep my mouth shut then. *mmpf*

6:38 AM
transience pedaled up to say...

. >> thanks very much.

ninjato >> mmm. coffee. yes.

jason >> hehe, that was funny. but a girl's got to always stay on top of men staying on top of the best ways to defraud foreign governments. it is, after all, how politics is made.

ninjato >> sweetie, we let the proverbial cat out of the bag already. so you don't need to gag yourself. =)
8:21 AM
small squirrel pedaled up to say...

I'm confused... my mommy always said the stork brought politics ;)
11:08 AM
nicole pedaled up to say...

transience, I agree with you that if it was Achebe or Gabriel Garcia Marquez it might have been a different reaction altogether!!

beautiful reading, as always.
12:33 PM
transience pedaled up to say...

squirrel >> i was always overly suspicious of the stork theory.

nicole >> gabo! i love him. and thanks for the kind words.
1:22 PM

Pedal Up!

<< Home

2007-05-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

iron maiden: day 2
transience

my closest closest friend said, "if you say you'll miss me if i don't go, then yes, i'd like to join you."

i had already made plans to meet with her, our dragonfly friend. but i tell him, "yes, i want you to be there. i need you to be there." it's funny how with people you've known most of your life, three is always a company and never a crowd.

the train ride to the café is harrowing. there is an air of desolation in the cab, so thick and soft you could cut through it with a butter knife. there is a mother holding her baby, wondering where her next paycheck will come from. there is a beautiful woman holding hands with a not-so-beautiful man who will never marry her. there is a coed reading an old letter tucked into her calculus book. there is a middle-aged businessman, eyeing the coed and looking down her blouse.

then there are the both of us, wondering when the train ride will end. we sit and stare at each other. this is the way we talk about things sometimes. i can read his silence the way he reads my smile. on some days, it drives our other friends mad, since they can hardly join in on our mute conversation.

the train rocks awkwardly as if swaying to an old disco record it alone can hear. right now, our eyes have stopped talking about the train ride. we are now talking about how that damn cup of cappuccino should be worth all this.

in minutes that seem like hours, it is time to get off. we heave a sigh of relief. he comments gently on how hot is. i swear like a sailor. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

our dragonfly friend is not yet there when we arrive. and so we meander. we look around, point at some ridiculously dressed habitués and laugh.

when he finally looks at me, the tilt of his head is prophetic. i know what he is thinking. i smile at him. he knows what i am thinking. we are not just friends. we are eight years of walking down a road that has always had two separate destinations. that is alright now. he's had his loves and i've had mine. there will be no intersection there.

"hey, guys! sorry i'm late."
"ah. she arrives."
"have you two been waiting long?"
"nah. we could both wait forever and we still wouldn't be bored."

she smiles knowingly at my statement.

later that night, the coffee tastes too good. he tells us how work is distracting him, thankfully, from thinking of the person he wants to think of. i tell them my eyes are getting bad and that i am going to the beach soon. she says she is in love in a way she has never been in love before. we tell each other we will all grow old together.

then there is a beep. it is her mobile. when she turns away from us to answer it, he and i look at each other. we conspire on another of our silent exchanges.

i am glad you're here.
so am i.
are you okay?
yes. but i could be better.
i'll have another cigarette, okay?
help yourself.
i'm glad we're in a better place now.
i'm glad we started over.

there are some lessons etched too deeply into our hearts that we can hardly teach ourselves to unlearn them. there are some things left unsaid that we know we should have just said when the other was still there (at the right place and at the right time) to hear them. he and i know these. we had been through hell and back together. and we are still walking down a road that has always had two separate destinations. there will be no intersection there.

weep not for the memories, somebody told us once. we're not. we still have our memories. but more importantly, we still have each other.

i rode north at 8:08 PM

>>> blogstalker deleted comments page

A Request Granted

2007-05-07T00:17:00.000-07:00

3:20am

i email a select group of authors before publishing any of my collection on site. these are very creative people and most of them became transience's friend, one or two her lover. one of them asked me this favor of deleting the comments page because of the following reasons:

a blogger with too many names but eventually revealed itself because of his intimation with trans is in every post's comments page and is a friend.

comments entered into by this blogger are mostly flirtatious and seductive at first.

a different story evolved because of his postings. photographs, conversations, prose and poetry dedicated to this affair was shared in bloguniverse. there ensued even a beautiful collaboration (which i collected, of course).

to some it was a beautiful internetlove story, to others too graphic, scandalous and even perverse not to be shared. it was all together beatiful for me when this author asked me not to.

the blogger is really head over heals in love with trans and felt remorse that both had to put an end to their respective blogs.

besides, it's true that the comments page occupies too much space!
i was allowed though, to use the pictures he actually sent my_transience.

but most importantly... i promised.

*the following collection's comments page will be shared through email instead.

2007-05-05T10:58:00.000-07:00

for you...
happy happy!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005
bicycle diaries (director's cut)
this is four days too late. i let life get in the way of life and now, the red-letter day has come and gone, fragile and forlorn. so let's pretend it's the first of july again and that my little trangression had never been committed. again, my apologies to myself and a hundred kinds of self-soothing to follow tonight.

***

the northern way was born a year ago at 3:01 pm. there was no real purpose to it, no real reason to ride a bicycle to norway—that was just a metaphor. instead, there was a writer who had nothing and too much to say all at once, plus a large, anonymous void to do some decorating in.

it didn't even look like this in the beginning. it was dark, stark, spliced with photographs of bicycles taken in postwar berlin. there was less ambiguity then, less profanity, less sass, less sexual content. but that shit got old quickly.

and so the lights came on.

and suddenly, there was an icelandic singer opening and closing her mouth, with moonshine dancing on her tongue. there were yellow stickies, a box to whore in, fancy buttons to push. there were facetiae and delicate intellectual snobberies and nameless, faceless people going in and out of the door. it was all good—like having gatecrashers at a party over and over again minus the sensibilities.

needless to say, the right hand which wrote in pretty cursive went on indefinite leave. and in dead of night, all it took to be published was the right name (quick fix) and a password (over-the-counter therapy).

i don't know how long this pedaling will last. i don't know what i'll do when i finally get to norway. maybe i'll kick off my shoes. roll up the legs of my jeans. have some tea with milk. smile at strangers. give a nice, tall boy a kiss. take photographs of oslo. leave my bicycle by a grassy knoll for a lost soul to find. and walk barefoot to hungary.

there are no happy endings, really. those are just a reprieve for stories that have yet to finish telling themselves.

| o^o |91 kph |

91 Comments
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transience said...

happy anniversary to a blog that taken on a life of its own! to everyone who wants to share the love, bring it on. party hats are optional.

and just in case i forget to tell you: i had a really nice time.

11:26 AM
shadowbox said...

I raise a glass of Norwegian aquavit to you on this anniversary.

11:45 AM
Aleksu said...

Zorionak!

Happy first blogoversary!

I was lucky to happen upon your blog a few months ago, it was after the metamorphosis to the present stage, now I'm curious about those pictures of bicycles taken in Germany.

12:22 PM
milktea said...

To hungary barefoot. nice. my mother will not stop me from reading your blog then. :)

Trans, happy anniversary. we are having a nice time as much as you did.

12:38 PM
J41M3 said...

I hope that you get to Norway. I've enjoyed watching the journey so far.

2:57 PM
Jax said...

Yay Trans! I would've thought you'd have been blogging longer than this. ah well.

:: smiles and tries to be nice and tall ::

4:24 PM
claudzki said...

funny..i was just watching motorcycle diaries last night...

belated happy anniversary to YOur blog...indeed, it has come a long way from where it started [and that wasn't bad...]

here's to more years of trans and her northern-way!

mwah! :D

5:47 PM
anonymous said...

Congratulations on completing a year! It had been an amazing 'ride' so far and looking forward to much more!

5:50 PM
wala said...

hey sweetie. happy anniversary. i raise my mug of strong, freshly brewed coffee to moonshine, lovemaking full tilt on a bicycle, metamorphoses, and conversations with you. may you forever be insatiable for wordplay and moreso, foreplay;=)

5:51 PM
Roger Stevens said...

Happy blogday to yooooooo
Happy blogday to yooooooooooo
Happy blogday dear Transience
Happy blogday toooooo yooooooooooo!!!!

I don't suppose you'll ever reach Norway will you. And would you want to?

And where does Ms B fit into the grand scheme of things?

6:27 PM
bullish1974 said...

*raises flute glass*

6:39 PM
I.:.S.:. said...

*Flute glasses (or whisky tumblers) rise all over the world. Your health. Live lucky. (11 comments within about 15 mins of posting?)

7:07 PM
I.:.S.:. said...

Well, about 7-odd hours actually

7:08 PM
Mercurial said...

Happy Anniversary!

Cheers for ride. Though I hope Norway continues to elude you :O)

No offense.

7:14 PM
I.:.S.:. said...

but still

7:16 PM
I.:.S.:. said...

I'm being converted to comments gradually... They're like a conversation in a moment of time that solidifies and you can go back and look at... like wondering around in a world with stopped time, seeing where everyone was caught at the instant time froze..

7:24 PM
Fist said...

Happy ... 4th of July!

If you do make it to Norway, just make sure it's when the lights are on.

8:17 PM
Deek Deekster said...

i want to congratulate you on the persistent way you dally with us all and long may it last

gratulerer med dagen til dagboken din!

9:09 PM
RuKsaK said...

A year old - amazing you celebrity you. This place is a work of art from top to bottom - it's so totally yours and it's a lovely place to come and sit down, relax and drink words in - and the flavours you offer them in are simply divine.

What I'm saying is - I love this place and when I'm a year old hope I can be as proud as you should be of the writing you spill here (although I doubt spill is an accurate word here)

9:19 PM
SafeTinspector said...

I feel like the guy who walks in just as the party host finished telling a really funny story. You know, that time when everyone is just getting done laughing, and they're all catching their breath.
I look around at all the faces and ask, "What did I miss?"
The answer is, usually, "Never mind, you had to be there."

But I wasn't!

9:20 PM
snst_blvd said...

when you get to norway, get me a nice norwegian boy. =)

9:23 PM
Kerouaced said...

Norway is a forever and a day away, Trans. You can pedal and pedal and will cover plenty of ground but then you realize that the journey was much longer than you ever anticipated...

9:42 PM
wala said...

ahh a milestone.
things will never be the same.
...cheers!

10:34 PM
trine said...

well, if you ever *do* make it to norway I will be there waiting for you....

but i kinda hope you don't as it might mean the end of all this..

happy anniversary, transience, hurra hurra hurra!

10:43 PM
Potted-flower said...

Uh. Crap. What do you really look like then?? I'm confused...

11:37 PM
Rama The Drama said...

I definitely don't want you to get to Norway(esp. if you are hanging your boots there) because it's in YOUR JOURNEY that we get a taste of your smells,sounds and feelings that gets magically transformed in our minds through your picturesque words!

May you indulge us in many more travelogues of your Life in the coming year!Happy Blogoversary!

12:16 AM
jenn see said...

it's strange how time changes things.

unoriginal thought, but there you go.

cheers on a year's worth of writing.

12:42 AM
Mere Existence said...

I've been on rollerscates this entire time, but didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

12:50 AM
madgirl said...

((((u))))

so im wonderin

is the livin flow of your blog a reflection of an evolution within your self? or have you been makin the empty space more home-like? like - settin up the furniture you already had kinda thing?

either way
ive had a nice time peddlin after ya :)

2:00 AM
EGO SVM CAROLVS said...

Happy 1st! :) :) :)
More to come. :) :) :)

2:02 AM
gusgreeper said...

happy happy first.
if.you.went.away.i.would.die

i love it here.

2:20 AM
Sarah said...

i probably would have cheated and posted this as the first.. even though it's not the first anymore.

=) happy bloggiversary..

i've been at it not quite 7 months longer than you. although, i have half the talent with words and feelings.

"there are no happy endings, really. those are just a reprieve for stories that have yet to finish telling themselves."

quite.

3:25 AM
Cocaine Jesus said...

POP!!!
glug glug glug

*fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

just pouring a glass (or two) of champagne.

enjoy.

4:04 AM
Jen said...

Happy blogiversary to you!

4:41 AM
Carrie said...

wow! congrats on lasting so long and good on the evolution of your blog..........btw..you're my daily epiphany....such a brilliant mind and so open. like a breath of fresh air. thank you. ;)

7:21 AM
Anonymous said...

I'll have a glass while you're about it, JC.

Cheers!

7:29 AM
Roger Stevens said...

I'll have a glass while you're about it, JC.

Cheers!

Whoops. That's better. Wouldn't wanna miss the cake.

7:31 AM
Wardo said...

You've done a lot in a year. Good job.

-A

9:05 AM
Lorena said...

happy to join your party, happy 1yr anniversary!! love how you filled us in on some of your reasons for starting it.
hope you never stop pedaling.
wonderful story :)

btw, in this film i saw "mr & ms smith" there was a similar quote which stayed with me long after the film. "there is no such thing as perfect endings, they are just stories that haven't finished yet" i loved it and loved how beautifully you have written it yourself.

i'll have some of that tea :)

9:21 AM
karma said...

happy anniversary sweets! i guess one can say you have come a long way. no, don't stop pedalling, ever. the fun is in the journey, not the destination

xxx

9:36 AM
jey said...

happy anniversary to one of the best blogs around!:)

keep 'em coming, trans!

9:47 AM
small squirrel said...

happy birthday babe. you are a seriously amazing woman. skip norway and run away with me to Italy... better shoe shopping there anyway! heeeee!!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY.
and buona fortuna, cara!

10:22 AM
small squirrel said...

you know I meant anniversary and not birthday.... well, bloggy birthday.

ah fuck it. I am just a dumb ass editor. HAHAHHAHAHHA.

10:22 AM
mariposatomica said...

happy anniversary! I enjoyed reading your blog post. Can't wait to see your blog entries on Blex's blog.

10:32 AM
therainandme said...

hey trans

happyanniversaryhappyanniversaryhappyanniversary...

cant imagine what it would be like not reading ur blog.
tc

1:27 PM
post said...

here's to hoping that you never stop pedalling!

or at least when you get to norawy, here's to hoping that you never stop writing!

1:28 PM
rolly said...

happy anniversary! I just hope the ending would be a good one. Like that boy you're generously kissing... lucky him.

I still believe in fairy tales, thank you.

1:50 PM
john said...

my world just righted itself (well, sorta) in time for your party.

i find reason in your words, that's why i linger.

happy anniversary.

1:57 PM
mrsmogul said...

That was a good post, I liked "tea with milk", I think I will have some of that today :)

4:18 PM
transience said...

i have to single out some people here. i can't help it.

blex >> i forget the link but every single photo came in black and white. my favorite was a bicycle stuck in snow.

monsterspank>> you have said much too much.

roger >> she is keeper of my secrets. but apparently not anymore.

mike >> my timezone is GMT+8. but you already know that, right? and you ramble well for a semi-virgin commenter.

deek >> dalliances are my specialty.

RuKsaK >> and i'm supposed to make a gist for your blog after that? the pressure!!!

safetinspector >> that was funny.

trine >> no, not the end. not yet.

potted-flower >> i can't really asnwer that question. but i do know you don't look like a duckling (gosling?).

mere existence >> you're still on wheels and that is the important thing.

maddy >> i just think i got to learn more html.

lorena >> i have to watch that movie. did i tell you i have a thing for angelina? no? well, i do.

jaime, ramchi, endlessecho, john >> thanks for being here again.

mercurial, mariposatomica, mrsmogul >> thanks for dropping by, newbies.

4:35 PM
Anil said...

many many bloggy returns of the day...here's to another year of pedaling up!

7:15 PM
Sara said...

well, hats off, hot damn, and the like. i hereby toast to you in the way too early morn. to norway!

7:58 PM
North said...

never too late to greet you. don't stop pedalling, keep it on!

8:53 PM
>sheE<>> so nice to see you back. thanks for the greeting. did i tell you we share the same age, sign and chinese birth year? huzzah!

>sheE< >> that was so sweet, you. thanks for the love and all that.

mitzzee >> i'm looking at the piccy again while i type this.

potted-flower >> hee. i'll send mine if you send yours. deal?

taryl >> no. no. and no. thanks.

blog ho >> with scones, yeah?

shadowbox >> she's not puking cum, if that's what you're thinking. she's swallowing then regurgitating the moon. pretty neat, eh? so you think i should lose the bike right about now? get myself a che guevara t-shirt?

alix >> i love what you said about entering a foreign film. that was so descriptive and highly flattering. thank you.

ygwin >> lovely pony. with the shimmery shoulders and romantic hair.

kathleen >> three years is a great achievement. congratulations!

slim whale >> vodka mudshake!

finnegan >> always so eloquent. okay, so how about a compromise? present progressive? i'm having a really nice time.

stella >> or new york. to new york on a taxi.

saturnyne >> hi back. i've missed you.

perfect virgo >> the travesty will continue, of course.

chris >> bring it on.

dlak >> what a lovely way to put it. i'm printing this comment right now. and i've set the font to 16-point dauphin. again, thanks for the gift.

allister >> you aren't so faceless to me.

kathleen again >> splendid. i will check out your answers as soon as i can.

blackops, srikar >> a great northern-way welcome to both of you.

2:37 PM
Potted-flower said...

very funny. You don't understand, though, I am ACTUALLY a cygnet. Its the truth!

3:45 PM
King of Space said...

"If, as you live your life, you find yourself mentally composing blog entries about it, post this exact same sentence in your weblog."

Maybe you saw this meme going around Trans, but after one year of blogging, It can help you evaluate where you are.

You know what? Me I actually think about what my bloggers I read will talk about. Until today, I never guessed a blog content, and this is perfect :-)

Happy blogversary Trans! TY for sahring your writtings with us

6:51 PM
A-hole! said...

so you popped your cherry, eh. good for you.

8:37 PM
transience said...

potted-flower >> a pretty, pretty cygnet.

king of space >> i've never really lived my life composing blog entries about it, but it's something to think about.

a >> more like popped the question, but that will do, too.

7:08 AM
gulnaz said...

an year of pedalling to norway, yowzaa!! my only regret is that i did not come across your blog earlier. i just love the way you use metaphors, love the way you write, totally!!!
here is hoping to see more of your special brand of moonshine.
the name of your blog, the format, everything fits in together...congratulations, you have done great! ;)

10:18 PM
Corsarius said...

it's a bit too late, but --

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! for your blog, i mean. ;)

Btw, Slip of the Pen recently turned 6 months old. June 30. You're 6 months older than me, blog-context that is.

6:52 PM
transience said...

gulnaz >> that was so sweet. esepcially about the moonshine part. thanks very much.

corsarius >> happy half-year! and better late than never, especially for friends.

11:16 PM
Potted-flower said...

settle down, now.

3:47 AM
anumita said...

Am I late? HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the blog!!
And Norway is where we are all heading, furiously peddling to keep up. Once you reach Norway, we will wait for you to lead us through adventurous roads to another land of mystic and magic.

To the writer, transience, who the English language would be proud of! Cheers!

1:34 PM
transience said...

potted-flower >> i have! and with coffee, too.

anumita >> you're just in time for the drunken revelry. and thanks, dear, for the greeting.

2:29 PM

posted by transience at 11:11 AM on Jul 5, 2005
New comments have been disabled for this post by a blog administrator.

2007-05-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

blogcollector's best photo of trans for postmastergeneral's comment
Friday, July 08, 2006

london
i've always thought that i had been born in the wrong body on the wrong continent. i'm sure of it now.

what i had were images of london and what had happened the day before. and suddenly everything i had were those from far away who, like a subtle turn of phrase, had made a nowhere into a somewhere. suddenly everything i had were the bridges and the buildings and the broken bodies. suddenly they were me, and i was them.

and what followed was this. me trying to connect to those beautiful, elusive ones whom i knew but had never met. wondering if they were okay. wondering if their loved ones were safe. wondering if they were close enough to the ravages. wondering, always just wondering.

i'm still sitting, looking out the window, waiting for the letters that haven't come. and 6,672 miles away from home is a heart that beats and hurts and weeps. my heart.

| o^o |45 kph
45 Comments

DLAK said...

Yes my heart is heavy, oh my god what the fuck are we doing!? We (humans) have heaven right here but we are sooooo messed up we cant enjoy it. I believe the only way all this shit stops is if we (the world) are confronted with a common enemy like aliens or a disease. It may be the only way for society to survive is for it to colapse first.

6:55 PM
Jax said...

'society' as we put it is always destructive. civilisations are defined by who they fight against. I don't expect it to stop anytime soon.

And that said, I have a bizarre apathy towards it all. I think it is a self-defence mechanism (as selfish as this may be). I have trouble dealing with my own small world of suffering, let alone the larger one everyone else enjoys. I wouldn't last long.

7:04 PM
Cocaine Jesus said...

dlak>>>you are so bloody right. we are human beings and we are all the same, regardless of colour or faith. we are living in eden and WE make it hell.
relgion is sadly the cause of all this violence because religion (and not faith) divides in a way that only tribalistic humans can.

all faiths should either put aside their little differences and unite as one or fuck off entirely and let a new and more loving, liberal faith replace it.

there are beliefs and practises that, all though not as big as christianity or islam, BUT are equally as valid and possibly more benign.

jax>>>sadly you are right. mankind is a kind of sickness.
as for apathy . . .
be careful of that contagion as there are always unscrupulous people out there who live off of apathy and turn and twist it to their own designs and then we 'free' people really suffer.

trans>>>London is beautiful(and yes i am biased) has suffered worse than this. We will bury our dead and maintain our ridiculous 'stiff upper lips' and we will hold two fingers up high to AQ, or whoever did this evil act and say this . . .

'is that the best you can do? c'mon try it again. we're ready for anything you mother fuckers can chuck at us. bring it on.'

as for you being born in the wrong body . . .
having never seen it i should not comment but it sounds bloody fantastic as it is so don't go changing it.

being born in the wrong place?
no i don't think so.

it would be mega wonderful if only you lived here though. i could pop in for a cuppa tea!!!

give that beating heart a kiss, it deserves it!

8:35 PM
A-hole! said...

the fuck? was reading the comments and looks like people have been watching war of the worlds lately. heh.

8:40 PM
Aleksu said...

I really hope those letters arrive to bring a measure of solace to your heart.

9:15 PM
Carrie said...

Yes this touched me as well and not just because I have relatives there either. I know where you are coming from with this post.

10:18 PM
Kerouaced said...

Well said Trans. I don't think you're quite human if you can't feel for people when something senseless like this happens. Nowhere should innocent people die. This incident received a lot of press because of the spectacular nature of it but we shouldn't forget about all the other places in this world where people are needlessly killed daily. I would have to agree with dlak it seems our society might have to collapse first to survive...

10:52 PM
bullish1974 said...

i hear ya. my heart broke when i heard the news.

10:55 PM
Lorena said...

very pretty words for london. my prayers follow them to where they are.
lovely again transience :)

10:55 PM
snst_blvd said...

where is the world coming to?

damn crazy people.

12:53 AM
Perfect Virgo said...

You're soul was born in a compassionate body. We who read you are richer for it. Thank you.

12:59 AM
stella said...

this post makes me feel like we are all connected. my heart weeps too.

12:59 AM
trine said...

we're ok here in Brighton. close, but not close enough... it's horrible though. feels really weird and mental that this should happen... but everyone I know are OK!

1:08 AM
gusgreeper said...

i hate it, it is scary. sucks we live in a world where we can't all get along an accept one another. we all know these things will happen again, i hate feeling so unsafe and being what i consider harassed by every news station to watch it. knowing it and feeling pain for those hurt etc is enough for me thank you no need to watch it over and over again.

2:52 AM
gusgreeper said...

goes wihtout saying but i will say it anyway.

beautiful.writing.my.friend.

2:53 AM
post said...

humanity. we have the capacity for incredible compassion and incredible depravity.

things like this are always devastating.

3:00 AM
Mr Anigans said...

it's things like this that make me seek seclusion.
it's things like this that make me come back out again.

7:02 AM
Roger Stevens said...

We're all okay in this family and household. My son lives in London but he's all right.

If you think it's to do with religion, I think you make a mistake.

Terrorists are sick. They are not going to succeed. They kill innocent people, men, women and children. They are evil. Church leaders condemn them in whatever faith they claim to represent.

Meanwhile - it makes no sense. We just get on with our lives.

Peace and love.

8:12 AM
milktea said...

because generally this world is disappointing.

8:54 AM
Sarah said...

shaun and his family are all OK. but i know EXACTLY what you mean.

i freaked the fuck out and couldn't stop.

9:09 AM
alix said...

as i said to deek, i am a very angry alix.
you see, part of me is in the west, the other part is in London.
i could curse a blue stream, but ruksak did it so well...
what kind of world will my child inherit?

9:19 AM
Abster said...

It's so sad, isn't it? How some people can endanger, hurt and kill others for the sake of self-interest...

2:05 PM
claudzki said...

felt similar emotions when 9/11 happened in new york...

...and to think, the day before, the city was in jubilation for winning the host city bid for the 2012 games...

...but it's weird you know, the way we feel this surge of pain when something happens to london or new york, or some major city in the world...

...but when it comes to regions like darfur, iraq, palestine, it's become so commonplace - it's shameful that a big chunk of humanity doesn't really give a damn - so much so that we need something like 9/11 or london to make us realize that "shit...that could have been me...or someone i held dear..."

2:06 PM
Potted-flower said...

I'm sorry I didn't read that sooner. that was the best london post I have read. Come here. You should be here.

3:00 PM
ninjato said...

I feel for ya trans seriously, sometimes we all become so wrapped up in our own bubbles that we don't realize that sometimes the world truly a dangerous place and there really are sick psychos out there... and off-topic, I know this is kind of late but bel8ted you-know-what...and yes, I know, I'm a heartless and unsentimental jackass, but that's just me, (heh)...

3:37 PM
I.:.S.:. said...

Thanks

8:40 PM
Blog ho said...

that was lovely. thank you for saying it.

10:14 PM
Anonymous said...

i have always wanted to be born in europe.:)
this kind of mindless murder is shocking whether it happens in london or iraq, so many lives destroyed for whatt?
ty 4 writing this.
hugs.

gulnaz

10:56 PM
shadowbox said...

You, too, could get the "round button thingies" if you were on a Mac :)

As for your post, to paraphrase Bruce Cockburn: "you see the extremes of what humans can be..."

12:06 AM
SafeTinspector said...

I'll buy "wrong continent," possibly. But wrong body?
What sort of body would you rather be in? I've often wondered what I would look like as an underage Vietnamese prostitute; is your ideal anything like that?

1:39 AM
allister said...

It's a whole world controlled by a few men and there are unfortunate people who get caught up in the middle. It really gets to me when people say 'its bound to happen and there's nothing we can do about it.' That is a really sad thought.

7:57 AM
karma said...

i love london, it feels like home. but one never knows where terror will strike, and that's sad

10:43 AM
SafeTinspector said...

Not to belittle what happened, but statistically speaking we're safer with terrorists than drunk drivers. Heck, we're safer with terrorists than we are with a bar of soap in the shower!

As a society, we should think like a cloud of gnats. No fringe minority can ever get us all.

This is small consolation indeed to those directly affected. But that would be true for any tragedy.

12:22 PM
Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

I love London and the people there having spent a quite a bit of time there over the years. I think these horrible tragedies, or the fact that people murder like that in cold blood is always so hard to comprehend. There is so much tragedy in the world on a daily basis though I am not so sure why something like this affects everyone so severely when the every day tragedies do not.

1:10 PM
deryke said...

thats sad. and i'm sad too. sorry london. i'm sad for you! y'all have my prayers. -lil d!

5:24 PM
Corsarius said...

well-said, trans. a more than worthy tribute to people wasted by meaningless deeds. i fear that the next time they will strike here in our own country, it will be as brutal, if not worse.

6:40 PM
nin said...

well said....
lets pray for the poor souls who are still fighting for their breath....

11:57 PM
Fist said...

Is there a legal age for prostitutes in Vietnam?

12:55 AM
finnegan said...

ditto all the above sentiments cubed.

1:47 PM
Spicy Cauldron said...

It's Monday and the sun is shining fiercely in London bringing with it a stifling heat. There are still fewer people out and about than would be normal for a day like today, and the levels of polite interaction are definitely up. Everyone is glad to be alive and scared of dying at any moment. Nobody can assure us of the Tube's safety, or that of the buses. Nobody could before and we all felt a little wobble when having to use London's public transport system.

I logged onto the BBC News site this morning to find a headline piece which ran long the lines of 'Go back to work, Londoners urged'. It was changed less than an hour later, now reading 'Defiant Londoners go back to work'. Yet the article itself remains unchanged. It's clear we are being hit with propaganda at a time when we are susceptible, weak and psychically injured as a nation. Perhaps now we will see an upsurge of support for ID cards, the biggest attack on our civil liberties since the Poll Tax.

I can accept no justification for last week's bombing outrages, for there is none; the atrocities were the work of cowards. But at the same time, we live in a world where violence is legitimised too damn often; where our G8 leaders stand as hypocrites, victims of terrorism all but often the very people who inflict state-sanctioned terrorism such as the illegal war against Iraq. How can we justify one form of barbaric behaviour under the guise of promoting democracy? Defending democracy is another thing entirely, should be another thing entirely. I'm not arguing against defence. I'm arguing against all forms of aggression. It is debatable among those not inclined towards hysterical and blinkered responses as to whether attacks such as those London experienced last week were unprovoked aggression; to me, they were not entirely unprovoked but they can never, ever be said to be excused or justified. Death should come of its own volition; nobody should never help it along.

What I am saying is this: if this country and the US had kept out of the affairs of the Middle East, did not give such unblinkered support to Israel in its ongoing and disgusting humiliation of the Palestinians, and if we did not go about starting illegal wars on pretence of bringing freedom when truth is it's all about the oil, then the chances of this terrible terrorist attack last week might at least have been considerably lessened if not diminished entirely. Terrorists do not grow in vacuums, nor do they materialise in conditions where the majority are happy. Terrorists grow in number through what they perceive to be injustices against themselves - yet how they go on to justify atrocities against people is beyond me. Still, we must look at the planetary conditions as a whole when thinking of responses to outrages against our individual nations. A global problem - terrorism - does require a global solution. I just don't think it's the one Bush has half-formed in his small primate brain. But Blair, his ally... is intelligent, a skilled negotiator. Why he ever allied with Bush's 'War on Terror' I will never know. It got us nothing in return, not even Kyoto-related concessions. The US still stands as a nation wilfully blind to the truth of global warming and the consequences of that - far more impactful than any given terrorist attack, no matter how horrendous.

We cannot divorce the horror from the politics and lies which surround it; neither can we excuse the horror because of the politics and lies. Violence is never a solution and always wrong.

If we could get that idea into the heads of Bush and Blair as well as Bin Laden and every other fanatic, then we might start to see some progress towards a real and lasting global peace. For now, the lost lives of those caught in a crossfire of ideologies, obsessions and expediencies must be grieved for, their loss acknowledged.

People died last week across the entire world who should not have died. They died because of bombs, starvation, torture, needs and hatreds. I am sorry for them all. I am only one man. But together? We can do this. We can put an end to the madness. It takes time and the willingness to act compassionately, defiantly and openly: the courage to make a difference. Play it forward.

6:13 PM postmastergeneral said... It hits me when you people can sometimes feel so dramatic about news like this. so what's new? hunger, corruption, poverty, drugs and the like surrounds you and never did i remember you writing something as profound about it when you know exactly where you're from, who you are, how you look! you are full of shit you plagiarist you! you just have to write something about the bombings in london to social climb! you cheap son of a bitch! blogwhore! accept your fucking ugliness and if you can't, i suggest you solicit thru blogshitting money for your major makeover and surgery, blogbitch! but then again, I just don't know what to do with myself everytime i see the likes of you on blogger. i feel like hacking into blogger and rip this page apart and step on your fugly face! And then this hatred i feel for you, your monsterspank, ramen messenger and ambassador to your islandfuckinguglydictateduponprincessmaidfrogbitch will fade. Go away!!!

i happen to save this comment before it was deleted by the blog administrator. a lot was posted after this but was not fortunate enough to save all. a post in itself. :-D

4:12 PM
Pincushion said...

Thank you for this.
Take care..

4:28 PM
monsterspank said...

Yes very sad. There is such feeling that runs through this post.

12:03 AM
Jackal said...

'and 6,672 miles away from home is a heart that beats and hurts and weeps. my heart.'

This I totally relate to.

4:46 AM
transience said...

thanks for the comments, everyone. the london bombings affected us in different ways. and though it is sad that it should take a tragedy like this to inspire solidarity, we should focus on the lessons that we've learned instead. and the fact that life is precious and is always worth preserving.

10:06 AM

posted by transience at 6:16 PM on Jul 8, 2005
New comments have been disabled for this post by a blog administrator.

2007-05-05T10:51:00.000-07:00

Sunday, July 10, 2005
black sabbath

i find that the world waits for no one. i've only had time to take a breath, and there it is, turning the corners like there are no stop signs, riding away from me again. but it was a sunday. i had the license to park my ass and get some coffee first before i went pedaling gung-ho after it.

it was oddly quiet in the little australian café. he with his book, me and my espresso, the few others with anomalous versions of caffeine. behind the little everyday tragedies and the larger ones that bring disjointed pieces of life together, i was just glad to enjoy 1:31 pm and the pre-approved silence prevalent in any siesta-afflicted country.

the espresso felt good going down. and like a fluke, it had the effect of liquor, breaking down my defenses and making certain body parts more limber than usual. this wasn't me more aware. this was me at the height of comfort. signature coffee-shop couch. face hidden in male shoulder. arm thrown over the back of the seat. bare leg tucked neatly under short skirt.

as a decent, law-abiding citizen, i would have pondered the ramifications of my vague botticelli montage. but i couldn't. i was under the influence of some fluke espresso, remember? besides, when i closed my eyes and opened them again, it was 3 pm. i had fallen asleep. the lion had sunned in public. how barely legal. how utterly, horridly gauche.

and as i struggled to contain my growing embarrassment, he, the owner of the male shoulder, patted me on the head and promised (unprintable) things when we got home. all because of the pretzel pose i had pulled off. but i'm not complaining, of course. i may not pray, but i do count my blessings.

and i leave love to those who know.

| o^o |113 kph |
113 Comments
>>>blogcollector deleted comments pagemariposatomica said...

Caffination is always a good thing! I love the images you use like "disjointed pieces of life together" and
the way you end it. I really enjoy your writing.

1:14 AM
SafeTinspector said...

What a charming tableau you paint.
I would, however, ask all those involved if there were roofies in that espresso....

1:39 AM
Potted-flower said...

what the hell happened when you fell asleep? and CAN you fall asleep after espresso? hmm...

3:39 AM
deryke said...

wow! never been thi high on the list

i just wondering why nobody drew a mustache on you? perhaps a friendly goatee?

6:17 AM
sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

yes, if you're tired enough you can fall asleep no matter what. Maybe that's what they mean by "power-napping."

a·nom·a·lous
Deviating from the normal or common order, form, or rule.
Equivocal, as in classification or nature.

but if everyone gets drinks that deviate from the norm, doesn't that become the norm?

7:03 AM
sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

e·quiv·o·cal

Open to two or more interpretations and often intended to mislead; ambiguous.
See Synonyms at ambiguous.

Of uncertain significance.
Of a doubtful or uncertain nature.

actually I like the "of a doubtful or uncertain nature" definition, probably closer to what you were meaning.

7:13 AM
Aleksu said...

I worked at a coffee shop for almost two years, and I can only wish I had witnessed a tableau as rich as the one you just described.

8:14 AM
gusgreeper said...

sadly i likely would of drawn something on you.

i liked the end dirty girl.

8:31 AM
mussolini said...

you lied. you didn't have to.

8:40 AM
North said...

the ending has never been better. anyway, you must be awfully in need of a rest to sleep after some caffeine intake.

10:48 AM
ty bluesmith said...

nice nice nice.

11:16 AM
alix said...

perhaps you were preemptively resting for what transpired after? i'm tempted to go nap in a coffeeshop now...think it might do the trick?

11:17 AM
slim whale said...

maybe yours was the anomalous version of caffeine, otherwise you wouldn't have slept.

this is as sluggishly dreamy as a siesta. rich and vivid.

11:27 AM
King of Space said...

What is a pretzel pose? I can't figure it out... Like the pretzel shaped like a heart?

11:32 AM
Anonymous said...

that's why i just drink fruit shake. keeps the body cold. :p

~milktea

11:42 AM
transience said...

mariposatomica >> you're back! thanks very much for the kind words. and i think the ending was rather kicky, too.

safetinspector >> the barista denied all allegations.

potted-flower >> erm, i fell asleep? and apparently, if there's anyone who will fall asleep after espresso, it would be me. i'm your go-to girl.

deryke >> my house is your house. and i would have preferred a daisy on my cheek, thanks.

ray ray >> i used to power-nap in the office before i realized it actually robbed me of my will to work for the rest of the day.

a·nom·a·lous, adj strange and difficult to identify or classify

i think the above is more of what i meant.

i don't quite understand your question about drinks and deviating from the norm. but i am quite sure i didn't get the american raspberry-laced freddoccino.

thanksthanks for the semantic lesson, anyhow. i enjoyed it.

blex >> if you had witnessed something like the one i described, i'm sure you would have made the guys at the retirement home down the street very happy. think: photos! LOL!

corinna >> please not spock.

mussolini >> apparently my email did not satisfy you. are you pulling an il duce on me?

skeet >> a few years ago, i didn't drink coffee because it had an adverse effect on my system. and then i got over the adverse effect. and then i regressed.

ty >> sweet sweet sweet

alix >> excellent. i never thought of that. and be careful where you nap and with whom you intend to do it with. we're talking highly trusted factors here.

slim whale >> or maybe i was the anomalous one. use ray ray's first definition of anomalous above.

king of space >> pretzel pose. a physical posture that comprises two or more body parts bent at an angle and held in position for an hour or more.

milktea >> belated happy birthday! i like strawberry fruit shakes. did you drink some to celebrate?

11:48 AM
claudzki said...

is this a sign for me to start going to coffee shops? :D

12:03 PM
J41M3 said...

Il Duce? From Boondock Saints?
Do all the girls in the city have that much fun? I think I might move and start drinking coffee!

1:23 PM
wala said...

coffee. sleep. transience.
pretzel pose. monster.
unprintable items.
my cup of tea **u
hi there gorgeous.

1:40 PM
BatJay said...

can you tell me where i can get this fluke espresso

2:38 PM
gulnaz said...

*grinning*
loved this!
going to sleep on his shoulder sounds soo right.

'the lion had sunned in public.'
wonderful line!

btw, sleep can overcome caffeine when strong enough, personal experience.

this really was such a sweet post, something i needed to read. thanks.

4:14 PM
ninjato said...

first line is my life at the moment...as for the rest...um ah forget it, I'll be nice this time heh

4:14 PM
jey said...

"i find that the world waits for no one."

how true. and how sad.

as much as the world would not stop and grieve with you.

hard truths live up to their name, i guess.

4:51 PM
transience said...

claudzki >> are you really having that much trouble sleeping?

jaime >> no, as in benito mussolini. the fascist. and i would think that any party would be a good party if followed by coffee. but that is an extremely yuppie point of view. enjoy your youth and worry about the labels later. =)

monster spank >> what's with the **u?

batjay >> MOCHA BLENDS, congressional branch. you have been warned.

gulnaz >> heh, it would have been sordid if not for my sense of humor. so glad you liked it, the lion said.

ninjato >> eeevil.

jey >> and complicated names they are, too.

5:12 PM
wala said...

i want to see you on a short skirt, doing a pretzel pose.
and yes. i'd hand you an espresso if you wanted a cup.
it's on me. just let me see the pose.

sh*t. nasty thoughts.
sorry.**u

5:24 PM
The Flea said...

Transience -- I'm with ::a::. It would have made a lovely scene, observing you in your pretzel pose. Unless, of course, you were drooling.

As always, splendidly scribed and metaphorically marvellous! Give me more please. LOL

6:08 PM
Anonymous said...

I have been using espresso to keep me awake. I couldn't think of anything much stronger. And you fell asleep?

6:57 PM
snst_blvd said...

im caffeine intolerant. one sip can get me up for 2days. (im dead serious)

im thankful they just dont offer coffee in coffee houses. tee hee!

7:30 PM
Gangadhar said...

Hi transience..this is really a very nice post from you..
And there are some beautiful lines...i liked them verymuch...

7:46 PM
trine said...

your posts are always too short. I almost reverted back into lurking there, as I didn't feel I had anything profound to say, but there you go...

I am off to norway in two weeks actually, can't wait!

7:52 PM
De.vile said...

Caffiene is a beautiful thing when you arent allowed to drink.

WHY should you have so much of the things you cant mention on a public blog?

8:31 PM
wala said...

** instead of the:
u in place of )
sorry, does it annoy you?
xx_ ill stop.

9:11 PM
post said...

"i may not pray, but i do count my blessings."

this made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

but wow, if espresso does anything for me, it gets me wired. how could you manage sleep...?

10:39 PM
taryl cabot said...

They make espresso martinis now, so next time suggest you combine vices.

11:13 PM
Lucia said...

I am (unsurprisingly) yet again impressed. You have wonderful flow, smooth yet distinct. :)

12:14 AM
Potted-flower said...

'I had fallen asleep'. Yes, you were asleep. Or was that one of your oh-so-clever english twisty things?

12:16 AM
Carrie said...

LOVE BLACK SABBATH....and I DO pray AND count my blessings, just seems like no one is listening....that's another band though.

12:30 AM
EGO SVM CAROLVS said...

I luuurve the pointers I always pick up here. :]

1:56 AM
Perfect Virgo said...

I'd be late for my own memorial service! I log on to find another beautifully sculpted piece of wordage and I'm last in the queue as ever. Belatedly let me say mine's a Columbian, hot black and thick as broth. You can't sleep through those!

3:19 AM
stella said...

i loved this sweet ending...
and the (unprintable) things - that's just classy! =)

3:52 AM
Blog ho said...

i love pretzels with whipping cream and hand cuffs.

4:09 AM
Sk8RN said...

That was some cup of coffee! ;-)

5:36 AM
Lorena said...

you know, coffee brings me comfort too. what is it that does it? i can't believe you fell asleep. you really must have been drained. good dreams i hope??

great writing and what a great last line! who are these lucky people.

6:31 AM
Sarah said...

unprintable...

this only makes me want to know.more. of course.

7:26 AM
Jay said...

There's no thing like a loved one's passing that reminds you that the world never slows down. Even if you personally shut down, once you start up again, everything has changed, the world has gone on without you, and you must run and play catch up.

7:42 AM
King of Space said...

ah ok, I think I understand the poretzel pose... it is like a foetus position... well.. I am not sure... Trans make a picture of it, I am too much visual... :-P

7:54 AM
RuKsaK said...

Is it possible to tattoo comments onto someone else's blog? For that is what I may as well do - scrape an ink-filled needle across this place decrying how wonderful it is and leave it there for every post, which I know will be as scintillating as the others.

9:33 AM
Jennynyc said...

"the lion had sunned in public."

I love this line! What a lovely vignette!

9:36 AM
jenn see said...

so sweet. a good dream that lingers.

9:38 AM
karma said...

a comforting male shoulder is a good reason to fall asleep, no matter what you drink :)

9:51 AM
Carrie said...

I also like what Blog Ho likes....oh YEAH! ;)

10:43 AM
Kerouaced said...

Whether you meant you slept literaly or figuratively it is possible either way. Caffeine doesn't treat everyone the same way. I have an aunt who drinks several pots a day and hit has no stimulating effect on her. Like drinking beer and only getting the calories I suppose. And again Trans beautiful piece.

11:16 AM
bullish1974 said...

ah, coffee post. ah, sunday coffee post.

you actually fell asleep? are you sure it was cofee and not milo?

11:57 AM
transience said...

monsterspank >> eep. could that be classified as an (unprintable), too?

flea >> you bastard, LOL! actually, i was sleeping quite peacefully. without the snores, without the drool, thank you very much. and when i sleep, i do so very soundly. my beau has to check up on me every few hours to see if i am still alive.

anonymous >> adverse effect, apparently.

sunset eyes >> hahahaha! there you go, my heroine.

gangadhar >> thanks very much.

trine >> really? i've become conscious of keeping them concise since everybody is so preoccupied with time management nowadays. and don't worry about the comments. you're not obliged to make them. i'm just very glad you're reading. =)

happy trip to norway. wait for me! oh wait...don't. i may be very, very late.

de.vile >> you aren't allowed? oh dear. and i don't understand the question.

enjoy the new job!

monster spank >> geez. i am some sort of dumbass. it took me a while to get it. LOL! and no, it doesn't annoy me sweetie. don't stop harder!

kay >> waaaaaah! my body's all screwed up. help.

taryl >> is it five percent alcohol?

lucia >> wow. thanks for that.

potted-flower >> not twisty enough, apparently.

mitzzee >> LOL! hilarious comment.

carolvs >> but dear, they're not pointers! my embarrassment should tell you as much.

perfect virgo >> colombian? mmmmmm.

stella >> suddenly, i felt all shy. on a good day, i would have elucidated. crap.

blog ho >> bring it on, then.

Sk8RN >> like you wouldn't believe.

lorena >> i should really get away and have myself a sleep vacation. i'll throw a slumber party before i leave, though.

sarah >> darling, but you already do. scorpio. you.

jay >> beautifully put.

king of space >> i'm a visual person, too. and i do sleep in a foetal position, but not while sitting on a couch in public. that would have been too much for my sensibilities.

RuKsaK >> you've marked me.

jennynyc >> thanks! i'm a leo, incidentally. what's your sign?

jenn see >> like traces of sleep when you haven't had enough.

karma >> well said! of course you know what i'm talking about, minx.

mitzzee >> threesome?

kerouaced >> literally. fell asleep with face hidden in male shoulder. arm thrown over the back of the seat. bare leg tucked neatly under short skirt.

i cringe now as i type that. stupid espresso.

bullish1974 >> i swear it was espresso. i swear. even if you dunked me in warm chocolate (as a pretzel), i would still swear the same thing.

12:29 PM
anumita said...

and you leave love to others? well, they need to definitely discover it then with expresso, an australian cafe, a man with nice shoulders, and a short skirt!

1:22 PM
Kathleen said...

I can learn that much needed vocabulary just by reading your writing... i admire the way you're able to make even the smallest of everyday moments something completely unique and utterly special.

4:15 PM
transience said...

anumita >> they could add some other things to the mix, too. if they were so inclined.

kathleen >> you are always so generous with your compliments when it comes to my writing. thanks very much. it means a lot. even with the odd vocabulary lesson thrown in.

4:20 PM
Sara said...

caffeine, particularly in intense espresso form, has that breakin'-down-the-defenses effect on me too, though without the sleep. i like that the last single-sentence paragraph is made in pentameter.

8:28 PM
Mere Existence said...

How sad that I, the great lion tamer, missed this event.

11:09 PM
Carrie said...

trans - i'm full on games.....3some sounds hot, only we need to determine the true sex of blog ho... ;)

11:25 PM
DLAK said...

Back when I actualy went beyond the borders of my own domain I used to go to a coffee shop with a women freind. We found it a nice place for reading (her) and drawing (me) But it always made her sleapy and me horny, Expresso can knock you out if you are allready tired and it can knock you up if your with me.
I think all women should wear short skirts and I think your writing is wonderfull.

12:40 AM
jenn see said...

vaguely generalized compliment:

i really dig the titles of your pieces. thought you'd like to know.

2:46 AM
transience said...

sara >> wow. i didn't even notice it was in pentameter. you are good. and another thing about strong coffee is that it makes me pee, like, every two minutes. but it's easy work in a skirt.

mere existence >> you tame lions? how cool! you do know that lions make no pacts with men, right?

mitzzee >> who cares what his gender is?

dlak >> i never want to be knocked up. but i think your comment told as entertaining a tale as my post. thanks for the compliment, too.

jenn see >> mutual admiration for titles. i like that. =)

9:01 AM
Jax said...

*ahem* the which cafe?

10:19 AM
transience said...

MOCHA BLENDS. partner of sydney-based MOCHA COFFEE.

10:28 AM
wala said...

trans,
ok, so maybe we could (unprintable). after that, i'll (unprintable) you till the morning. then, (uprintable) and (unprintable).

shush. i'll just shut up now.

10:59 AM
transience said...

monsterspank >>raunch, raunch, everywhere! thank the god of small things that trans is the most amazing woman who will ever grace your star-spangled sky.

i leave her to kick your (unprintable) and (unprintable) and (unprintable) raw. =D

11:14 AM
JErm said...

another moment of bliss in a goddess' life.. *envy*

2:05 PM
bismuth said...

this is beautiful and heartwarming and all but you still owe us. BIG TIME.

7:34 PM
wala said...
i love to eat pretzles....

8:32 PM
snst_blvd said...

i always go to this local coffee shop Balconaje. And Seatle's Best if Balconaje is full of ugly people.

i dont really dig mocha blends. or maybe because both of the coffee shops i hang-out in are owned by my friends. gotta patronize the free stuffs! LOL (i hardly get any, sadly)

9:11 PM
madgirl said...

the coffee shop ritual :) caffeine rush and couch-scrunched pose and feelin lazy-good.

ahhh :) i love it :)

/me tips a mug your way love. cheers.

9:47 PM
Jax said...

I demand you stop referring to that place as an Australian cafe. Its not nice! Jax's head starts to hurt.

9:59 PM
Carrie said...

trans - right-o! 3 is fun! but I love that you wrote "who cares what HIS gender is"

i'm IN! ;)

10:28 PM
jonny ragel said...

black sabbath used things a little stronger then espresso. but you've natural firepower. you are an unstoppable force.

(nice work)

12:16 AM
Anil said...

this has to be one of the best descriptions of a sabbath I've ever read....to think you can produce poetic prose describing the mere act of a siesta says something about your writing!

1:05 AM
Potted-flower said...

was that dirty orrr?... WHY YOU AVOID QUUUUESTION??

2:17 AM
mrsmogul said...

caffeine I miss so bad!! I would love a shot of expresso. Nice post.

2:38 AM
Roger Stevens said...

uh huh

oh yeas

why of course

definitely

but did we cant a little to the left there?

what am I talking about?

What are roofies?

What's in the bag?

do I care?

what is going on here?

7:47 AM
Sk8RN said...

I was a little belated in catching the "unprintable things." I love your innuendos.

BTW - You've been tagged. ;-)

1:53 PM
Mridula said...

Coffee! Your musings remind me of a time when it made me sleep, but it was because of I was putting in hours and hours in college, and then at night, in the canteen I would take a cup of coffee and crash in my room. Not anymore, now coffee keeps me awake. Of course I never had anything as insteresting as this!

4:37 PM
Gangadhar said...

Just pedalled up to say a big.."Hieee!"

7:24 PM
transience said...

JErm >> i did promise you a coffee a long time ago. maybe i should buy a plane ticket to indonesia?

bismuth >> eep. i'm wracking up serious debt here.

monsterspank >> me, too.

sunset eyes >> ugly people?! LOL! such a cheeky girl. and i don't really dig MOCHA BLENDS either. it was just a convenient place at the time. i'm more of a CBTL girl.

maddy >> and a beautiful ritual it was.

jax >> why ever not? okay, how about this..."it was oddly quiet in the little café that sold australian coffee." yeah? sounding better to you?

mitzzee >> baby, with you looking like that...hell, i'm in even without blog ho.

johnny crash >> i would make a sucky black sabbath person thingie.

anil >> really nice of you to say so. thanks.

potted-flower >> i'm not avoiding the question! i just didn't get it. i'm dense that way.

mrsmogul >> i would buy you one if i was there in the UK.

roger >> i have no idea either. this is bedlam. welcome.

Sk8RN >> (unprintable) things are always very intriguing. hee.

mridula >> fluke espressos have made stranger things happen.

gangadhar >> back to you!

9:16 PM
transience said...

JErm >> i did promise you a coffee a long time ago. maybe i should buy a plane ticket to indonesia?

bismuth >> eep. i'm wracking up serious debt here.

arthur >> me, too.

sunset eyes >> ugly people?! LOL! such a cheeky girl. and i don't really dig MOCHA BLENDS either. it was just a convenient place at the time. i'm more of a CBTL girl.

maddy >> and a beautiful ritual it was.

jax >> why ever not? okay, how about this..."it was oddly quiet in the little café that sold australian coffee." yeah? sounding better to you?

mitzzee >> baby, with you looking like that...hell, i'm in even without blog ho.

johnny crash >> i would make a sucky black sabbath person thingie.

anil >> really nice of you to say so. thanks.

potted-flower >> i'm not avoiding the question! i just didn't get it. i'm dense that way.

mrsmogul >> i would buy you one if i was there in the UK.

roger >> i have no idea either. this is bedlam. welcome.

Sk8RN >> (unprintable) things are always very intriguing. hee.

mridula >> fluke espressos have made stranger things happen.

gangadhar >> back atcha!

9:20 PM
finnegan said...

whew trans, your comment space is turning into an epic unto itself.

i don't know if you feel the same, but i find this space one of the most addicting aspects of blogging.

that said, i don't envy you having to answer such reams as this on a post-to-post basis! does your computer ever burb or fart from being engorged?

chuckled at the "barely legal"
reference. hustler's one of my faves. next time you decide to splay your goods, make sure flint has ample warning so as to have blog paparazzi focused.

did your shoulder take any phone-pix himself? i'd like a few, if you don't mind.

1:00 AM
ennui said...

i'm a cbtl person too! when are u gonna share tea with me again? aren't u gonna treat me? Ü

2:22 AM
Potted-flower said...

Ok, ok, here is it simply

'WHAT THE HELLLLL IS THE LION???'

2:26 AM
exile said...

mitzee & trans- might i offer my services? mitzee can vouch for me.

mad props to shoulder owner, btw, wakes you up to let you know what unprintable things he plans on doing to you. i would probably just sit there and point.

8:11 AM
exile said...

mitzee & trans- so if we have choices between canada, california, and the mystical island of transience, which do we choose? where should we come together? (hehehe)

8:14 AM
Carrie said...

Trans - you are so sweet really! ;) I'm totally flattered, and if your bicycle ever makes it to Canada, look me up! Blog Ho or not. cheers bella.

9:59 AM
transience said...

finnegan >> haha! i feel the same way. the comments here are way better than the posts. the interaction is always fevered, and you definitely add to the excitement. as for responding to the messages, i find it a more fulfilling pursuit, than say, conceptualizing ad copy for an upscale residential subdivision. sadly, my computer is hefty--no embarrassing bodily sounds. and no, there were no pictures. the shoulder is discreet. but i bet HUSTLER won't be.

ennui >> how about friday next week? my treat.

potted-flower...oh, that one! i am the lion. i've referred to myself as that in previous posts because my astrological sign is well, leo.

exile >> as long as mitzzee vouches for you, i'm game.

mitzzee >> but of course! canada is my next stop. i have relatives there, too.

10:18 AM
Roger Stevens said...

We live in the country and we've just had a power cut lasting for 12 hours.

So what did I miss most?

A cup of coffe this morning when I woke up.

Meanwhile - are you going for the hundred comments mark?

6:29 PM
Srikar said...

well written!

9:50 PM
Corsarius said...

little snippets of thought:

anomalous versions of caffeine. i'm no coffee drinker, but the coffee-variety zoo is getting a lot more crowded, methinks.

siesta-afflicted country. insert my cackle here, hehe.

lastly: the combination of bare leg tucked neatly under short skirt, how barely legal, and promised (unprintable) things when we got home. am i thinking what you want us to think, trans? heh. :)

damn. another colorful (erm..erotic?) entry set against a mundane background. only you can pull that off, dearie! ;D

11:04 PM
You've Got What I Need... said...

coffee is known to inspire hot, hot heat when amongst combustables. and you, transience, are quite flamable.

2:51 AM
Anti-Blogger said...

I always liked it when they played the song "Iron Man".

Huh? What?

6:27 AM
Neel said...

I love coffee, going to have some now. Do you take your coffee with Kafka? I love your posts!

10:32 AM
transience said...

roger >> crap! i hate power cuts. so sad you missed your coffee. but your power is back on, yeah? so that means you've had your morning cup.

and no, i don't have any particular goals as to how many comments i receive. but a 300-count would be nice. freaky, but nice.

srikar >> thanks!

corsarius >> dearie, do i seem erotic to you? LOL!

ygwin >> but so are you, pony. so are you.

ab >> holy shit. he lives.

neel >> i would share that cup with you. but though the spirit is willing, the flesh is nonexistent. so just enjoy it without me, while i toast you with my own cup. cheers! i'm glad you are better, btw. you've been missed.

11:19 AM
Carrie said...

perfect - c u when u arrive then. surely you'll recognize me. ;)

11:13 PM
Rex Venom said...

Strange shoulders and adventure.
Rock on!

5:27 AM
transience said...

mitzzee >> i'd recognize you in a heartbeat.

rex >> and the adventure continues. but it always does, mind you.

5:28 PM
IdeaSmith said...

My vague Botticelli montage....I loved that part.

5:49 PM
Carrie said...

;)

9:37 PM
. : A : . said...

Sometimes the caffine just hits you ... :-)

10:39 PM
transience said...

ideasmith >> i had the picture of botticelli's venus in my mind after writing that.

mitzzee >> hee.

.:a:. >> yes. it did. hard.

1:22 AM
Neel said...

I posted on here yesterday, but my comment disappeard? I hope you are well and enjoying yourself.

5:31 AM
Neel said...

oh now, i see it. must be something wrong with my computer.

5:32 AM
transience said...

i would never punt you, neel. you know that.

8:18 AM
Rama The Drama said...

"Damn!I waited three hours for something to happen..and this guy finally says what i want..but in his home?$#@&@!"...Well..that was the coffee-shop owner's grunt you didn't hear ;)

I wonder how you make seemingly mundane events,moments of bliss!

12:37 AM
transience said...

LOL! must've been the coffee.

8:50 AM
Potted-flower said...

Oh good I was freaked out then

4:38 AM
transience said...

oh, no worries. the circus had no missing animals or anything.

10:42 AM
Potted-flower said...

hehe

posted by transience at 11:57 PM on Jul 10, 2005
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Transient Stalker

to norway on a bicycle

Backpedaling

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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

jackassery

22 kph

to norway on a bicycle

Tour de Force

Big Time Sensuality

Deviations

Backpedaling

Hitchhiker's Guide

Tea Party

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Northern Crossing

Yellow Lane

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Monday, February 13, 2006

sometimes you are

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

you make me feel like i wanna be a dumb blonde in a centerfold

Sunday, January 29, 2006

timeintotime

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

the tao of less

Friday, January 13, 2006

an intervening space

Monday, January 09, 2006

sojournoir

Monday, January 02, 2006

non sequitur: day five

Sunday, January 29, 2006

timeintotime

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

you make me feel like i wanna be a dumb blonde in a centerfold

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